Wednesday, December 28, 2011

To help someone awaken.

It's a dance.
A beautiful, erotic dance.
There is an energetic but rhythmic, lead, be led, pulsation to this dance.
They say some words, you find a question.
They respond to the question.
You hone in on where the response comes from.
It's a dance towards infinity.
You don't know how long it will last.
i'm dancing six pages with two/not one at the moment.
It may culminate with the orgasmic explosion of Freedom,
or it may end with the lazy relaxed waltz of 'how ordinary'
Who knows?, Who cares? Who is there to know or to care ?
The dance isn't a dance between two people,
it's a dance of togetherness between a 'no I' and an I standing on a ledge.
The intertwining of 'what is' with a story of hope and despair,
makes for intimacy hypersensitivly (i love making new words) delicate.
The little death that is orgasm happens many times on each page, but,
"is this it?", "is it?", "no it can't be, it's too soon", "there hasn't been enough foreplay yet."
Each time the faintest spasm of recognition that promises absolute bliss, each time,
Thoughts come thundering in. "You don't want that !" "This isn't right !" "you'll go to hell !"
Thoughts that carry a wet blanket, a full bucket of water to douse a tiny spark.
Each time that happens, the dance moves into a new question,
gleaned from the unseen body language of the I about to jump.
Again and again to the quickening beat of the music, or is it my heart ?
"When will it end?" you ask, "for I can take no more"
It won't i tell the I, this is just the beginning,
So you might as well jump !
Have you ever seen an I splattered on the sidewalk ?
It's a beautiful, horrible wonder-full sight.
Well, not a sight, just seeing.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas day 2011

Thought today might be worthy of a rave...
The Sweet Spot.
When quiet and still and focused on a recognition of the fact that what is IS, the sweet spot is appreciated.
When there is a knowing that the situation as it stands is the current situation, the sweet spot is experienced.
When there is an acceptance of everything in the Now of this life, the sweet spot is known.
When the infinite details that make up the current experiencing are seen as irrelevant to the Fact of Now, the sweet spot is here.
When the bullshit that thought/mind is using to camouflage the actual is accepted as part of the actual, the sweet spot is now.
When welcome acceptance of the totality of Now is present, that is the Sweet Spot.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

an update & a rave

feeling far less chatty about this now.
Guided Robin on Liberation Unleashed forum yesterday through the gate.
here if you want a read or are interested in the process.
Had already guided Joshua through the gate back around 15th Nov 2011.
Just mentioning this for the record...

Life seems very ordinary and if it weren't for the time spent on Facebook (Enlightenment Now, Unleashed, and LU Central) and the forum mentioned above, liberation might have a back seat to everyday life.
It seems that only when something happens and the reaction is different than it used to be that it comes to consciousness.
It's easy for doubts to arise about whether anything has actually happened - which of course it hasn't.
Let me explain (hmm, just start and chattiness comes)
Is realisation, seeing what already exists a happening ?
Seeing what was seen before but then dismissed.
One doesn't do seeing, except as a linguistic description. Seeing happens. No, Seeing exists.
The eye is not referred to with seeing. The object seen is not referred to. An automatic reaction occurs to seeing/seen. Example; walking, a corner is approached, turning, walking. No thinking required.
The same with what used to be an I with preferences. Now an automatic response to preferences. No I required. Preferences change as no I to anchor them. A willingness to discover old preferences may no longer be relevant.

Does thinking of air
happen when i breath the stuff ?
Breath-in(g) just occurs.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

for the record...

just for the record, to log every significant thing on this journey.
Yesterday, twice, out of me came an explosion of anger seemingly towards my wife about what i perceived to be her attitude towards, the first time, my brother, and the second time, my mother.
The significant thing was i hadn't thought it to be a big issue with me, and the strength of the explosion, and how quickly it became a non-issue for me (seemed to) as i held no lingering emotion about it.
i also was slightly bemused by my wife's 'sulking' about it. Almost difficult to understand how she could be hurt by my attack....

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Is it possible for a person be enlightened ?

This post is evoked by this one from thoughts of Gregory.
To brutally summarise it;
The self tricking itself into sitting in a different bit of itself which it identifies and labels as “knowing” or whatever and then has a great time watching all the other bits coming up and saying;
 “Look! That’s not me .. oh .. and that’s not me .. and that’s a belief .. and that’s not real .. Oh .. how free I am ! Now I’m free .."

No enlightened person will say "I am enlightened" for obvious reasons, well obvious to another enlightened person anyway.
The reason being that enlightenment begins with a realisation (that is the act of making it real) that the "i" or "me" was always an hallucination. A concept built and maintained by the verbal functions of the brain.
Therefore, there is no I to be enlightened.

BUT we have a problem when it comes to communicating any aspect of what it is to not be ruled by a story of a self. 
So talking about enlightenment is one thing.
Being (enlightened) is a wordless experience. (well not actually an experience) ...maybe wordless experiencing.
Somebody (not someone) that has seen through the illusion of a self, no longer conforming to a story about who they are, no longer concerned with the characteristics of an acceptable personality, would not have a running commentary about how they are (or should be), about how they react to circumstances. They would be reacting to the actuality of the situation they find themselves (not them not selves - see the problem with communicating.)
For example, when speaking to someone known, the enlightened would not consider remembered information about that person, nor would they imagine how that person might respond to the conversation. Past and future are thought constructs better left untouched lest they interfere with the actual.
So communication is a problem as it always can only be about it.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Too many words...

Over the past couple of days reading facebook posts, i have consumed thousands of words and excreted thousands more.
They all seemed meaningful at the time.
They all seem meaningless now.
They did have an effect on me at the time. They changed something as i assimilated their perceived meanings.
Now they are forgotten. Only the results of the integration of my reactions remain.
It makes up the new me, or more accurately they contributed to the enhanced story of me.
The pointing that they were may contribute to a new way of approaching circumstances. A different view of experiences.
Has life-ing changed ?
Different reactions, different experiencing, the same life.

Monday, December 5, 2011

What is Enlightenment ?

What is Enlightenment ?
There is no answer to this.
It means different things to different people.
Certainly for those who have passed through the 'gateless gate' it is obvious how contaminated the word is.
If we look at a thesaurus, then the first three word that come up are insight, understanding & awareness.

Insight, understanding and awareness of what ?
This is much easier to answer.
Insight, awareness that the I or Me is an illusion. (Deleted understanding as that is only intellectual.)
To see is not to realise (make real), but seeing can precede realisation. 
Blind identification with an I/me is definitely UNenlightened. 
Re-cognising that the concept of an I/me has a limited, but useful role to play in interacting with a world full of people who do have blind identification with an I/me, is enlightened behaviour.
If you are naturally left handed, but teachers and parents from a very young age always insisted that you use the right hand for all single handed tasks, you would grow up thinking that right handed-ness was natural for you and you would even have trouble writing with your left hand. 
It had been a conditioning that you took as normal. 
This is the case for the unenlightened. It is a conditioning that is taken as normal.
How does one learn to use their left hand again?
The first thing is to believe that it can be done. The next thing is to practise it. 
This seems like work or discipline is required and if that is true then that is where the analogy must end.
In the case of the conditioning of thoughts to identify with an I/me, once it is seen that it is just conditioning then identification only occurs when buttons are pushed, when emotional responses are evoked then the old conditioning reasserts itself. This is usually for less time and with less intensity and fades with practice. In this case practising comes naturally most of the time and requires no discipline.
So what is a usual attitude of one who doesn't blindly identify with an I/me ?
This might be best answered by describing a thought process of one who does blindly identify.
When I believe that I own My thoughts, then I am responsible for them. That also means I must judge each thought according to a moral code (that They conditioned into My brain) As my behaviour is seen as a response to My thoughts, everything I do is also judged by that moral code. This means that every waking moment, I am being good or bad (or somewhere in between) and having an emotional response to that. How exhausting !
What an incredible release from all that, to wake up to the illusion of an I/me. 
To react to 'what is' without all that emotional baggage allows an incredible amount of energy to be freed.
There is an easy, relaxed willingness to 'go with the flow'
There is a chuckle that bubbles up with each recognition of how it used to be, of how stress used to greet this situation. Everything from a red traffic light to a queue at the supermarket, or the wife interrupting your blog writing to do some chore.
Further to this is an appreciation of everything from the shape of a tree or the colour of the grass to the human-ness of somebody upset with somebody or something. (even yourself) 
Don't quite know from where this emanates, possible a result of the extra energy available.
Ok, have run out of energy for all these words. Going to shower & bed now. May continue at another time. Probably will...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

What is it that can't find a self ?

Some say that there is a knowing that there is no self.
Here there is just a realisation that thoughts can't find an I.
The I was a thought construct, a concept.
The truth (a concept too) was arrived at by seeing the false.
The I was false. Or rather, no I found, that is all.
Thoughts are what i experience, but i can't call them mine.
Science shows that the brain decides 6 seconds before a thought thinks it decides.
see here
Thoughts just arise. Can't see where they come from.
Yet it's thoughts that decide that there is no I.
Well actually they don't decide, they just can't find one.
i don't know anything, don't even know that i'm not dreaming all this. Dreams seem so real when they're happening, just as this seems so real. So there is no knowing.
Can't find an I. Thoughts not mine. Don't know anything.
Is this freedom to experience directly ?
To simply watch life life-ing ?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Where ever you are, BE STILL.

Where ever you are, BE STILL.
Go into that sensitive place where it feels like you are trying to be tiny.
You know, huddle down like you might as a kid hiding from everybody. Shut your eyes like if you can't see them then they can't see you.
Now go inside yourself, starting in your head and look for a self. Whatever it is that you call 'me'
Just for a moment keep looking down through your body right to your feet.
Can't find a 'me' anywhere in there ?
Of course not ! You are not there.
Now keeping your eyes closed, think about your left shoulder. Don't move. Just think about it.
Can you feel anything touching it without moving ? Don't move, just think about it.
Where does it stop and the space it is in start ?
Does the you that you couldn't find own the space around your shoulder ?
Does that space just melt into what you know as your shoulder ?
Where does one stop and the other start ?
Listen ! What sounds are there. Try starting with sounds that are inside, then sounds close outside this body, then sounds further away, then the fartherest away.
Instead of the sounds coming from away towards you, listen as if all sounds start in this body and move outwards (or inwards).
Try it....

Jed McKennas' description of enlightenment.

Jed McKennas' description of enlightenment lifted from here

You will never achieve spiritual enlightenment.
The you that you think of as you is not you.
The you that thinks of you as you is not you.
There is no you, so who wishes to become enlightened?
Who is not enlightened?
Who will become enlightened?
Who will be enlightened?
Enlightenment is your destiny – more certain than sunrise.
You cannot fail to achieve enlightenment.
Were you told otherwise?
Irresistible forces compel you. The universe insists.
It is not within your power to fail.
There is no path to enlightenment:
It lies in all directions at all times.
On the journey to enlightenment, you create and destroy
your own path with every step.
No one can follow anothers' path.
No one can step off the path.
No one can lead another.
No one can stop.
Enlightenment is closer than your skin,
more immediate than your next breath,
and forever beyond your reach.
It need not be sought because it cannot be found.
It cannot be found because it cannot be lost.
It cannot be lost because it is not other than that which seeks.
The paradox is that there is no paradox.
Is that not the damnedest thing?
Jed McKenna

Friday, December 2, 2011

an urge arose...

An urge arose to express 'it' verbally.
With a head full of everybody from J. Krishnamurti to Seth to Jed McKenna - all similar to the sweetness of rocky road, i was seeking and seeking.
What was found was, an absence of all that. It is still sweet mind you. It was (and still is) the best entertainment. There was hardly a tv show or movie or anything else that could come close to being as entertaining,
Maybe it was part of the journey.
i guess that everything that has occurred to this mind/body has let to this point and so was part of the journey. A necessary part of the journey, i don't know.
But i digress...
The urge was to describe something small and close. So small that it almost needs a magnifying glass to see. So close that to even look, is to look past it.
It is the intimacy of NOW.

...going for a walk. Back soon.

WELL, just went for a walk and what i was trying to describe before was so BIG.
The sound of these footsteps had a clarity that was sharply inside this body, which expanded out to the sounds coming from blocks away. When the birdcall inside my head vibrated away to where ever the sound  seemed to originate it compelled a whistle from these lips to mimic it. The feel of the wind seemed to stretch to somewhere over an ocean fifty kilometers away.
The bigness and the smallness, the closeness and the distance don't contradict each other.
They are the same thing.
i might call it ME, but that would trivialise it. i can't own it, for i am IT, or is it me. We are not WE as that implies separation.
Language requires compartmentalisation.
Just as when saying "that table has a brown top" doesn't mean it has no legs, or no shape. These things are ignored for the convenience of communication.
i imagine that the idea of a separate me started out as a convenience of communication and over generations became seen as an actuality. Brain conditioning.
What a loss. We live in paradise but somehow have come to believe something else.

What i want to describe can't be described.
The experience mentioned above didn't happen TO me. It wasn't done BY me. It was just experiencing happening and somehow there was a witness that chose this mind/body to be involved. Well... everything was involved, even you, but awareness-ing had limitations, probably for the convenience of not totally freaking out this mind/body, maybe.
This body isn't stoned, hasn't imbibed on mushrooms or LSD, but there are definite similarities.
Love for everybody and everything is happening. (just a language way of saying something)
The 'it' i started out to describe seemed to involve me. The end of the description seems to involve ALL of creation, and the as yet to be created and the created that has been uncreated.
Ah shit, maybe GOD is a language way to say it....

All of existence,
and all of everything else,
adds up to be me.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Trust means not 'doing'

A point of departure from seeking happened for me when Eric said something like "Trust.... " (i don't even remember what he meant for me to trust now), But it was a letting go of the need to do anything. It was an acceptance that everything necessary exists in me and in my world. In Jed McKennas' words (paraphrased) "Let go of the tiller and the boat will steer itself better than i ever could"
It is sometimes hard, no, sometimes i forget and grab the tiller again, sometimes in panic 'cos it think i am going to hit some rocks, and sometimes just automatically from habit. Usually it isn't too long before realisation that it has happened occurs, and i chuckle and it is released

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Have no opinion !

If i have an idea, a view, an opinion about something or somebody, then what i see, interact with is that internal mind generated concept and NOT the actual somebody or something.
How is it possible to not have opinion ?

Thank you Ed

Drop all of your ideas about what awakening is like, what the teacher/student relation is supposed to be, what duties you still have post-awakening, post awakening paths and problems, etc. All these things will happen to you, awakening, bliss, love, etc., the more quickly you drop your wondering what it is and just focus and seeing and enjoying yourselves and others to whom you relate. Mind, opinions, theories, judgments, and self-checking are the way the mind prevents your freedom.Ed Muzika
After my post yesterday this appeared on Facebook this morning. (is that synchronistic?)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

the right question

Paraphrasing Jed McKenna, "the right question is way more important than any answer." "the right question is the one you don't want to ask" "you will know it's the right question by resistance/avoidance"
Very loose paraphrasing, but no point looking for the actual quote - the gist is here, so...
What is the right question ?
Seems like i am seeking again here, so, having passed through the gate, what am i seeking ?
What am i seeking ?
Good question.
Looking, looking... i could say deepening but that is a concept, and a vague one at that.
Looking for the sonic boom that didn't happen on stream entry ? Even though that is recognised as thoughts left over from a time when a fantasy enlightenment looked like the ultimate escape from emotional pain, it still has some energy.
There was nothing i could do to gain stream entry and certainly nothing i can do to generate a blissful high (other than do drugs - which won't help this journey from here) So i guess i'll just have to live with remnant thoughts/desires.
It's a pretty busy life appreciating now, so those thoughts will just arise and pass away. (anicca)

I wanted some bliss,
so life could be wonderful.
Now it's wonder-full.

Friday, November 25, 2011


"Look close at the most precious beliefs that are close to the heart, in no touch zone. They are the ones that you really want to inspect up close. You will recognise them by feeling resistance. Follow resistance. It is here to let you know that another bit of lie is sitting somewhere waiting to be noticed." Ilona
Beliefs, resistance. Looking, looking.
A current belief is that there aren't any beliefs left. But that is too convenient. Of course there are beliefs that are required to make daily life work. (i believe i will wake up in the morning, etc.) But beliefs about a self ? To say "no", which is the first reaction, is this resistance ?
Will consider while i shower...
Anthony Amrhein asked on Facebook a few seconds ago "What are you trying to unlock or open up, exactly?"
Is this synchronistic ?
Unlock, Open up ???
First response is Jed McKennas' "Further"
Going for that shower now...
No good answers, just "further, further..."
Will sleep on it...
Woke up seemingly normally but an hour later was extremely irritable, snapping at my wife over trivial stuff.
Certainly there have been occasions since 'it' happened where the reaction to frustration has been irritability, but on those occasions it dissipated with the seeing of what was happening within minutes. This time it lasted for about an hour in spite of seeing it.
Investigation took me straight back to the stuff above. 
What is this resistance to ?
What belief was/am i hanging on to ?
The first answer that arose was that i still wanted the bliss, the high that i used to believe came with Enlightenment (that's what i was seeking)
Even though there was recognition that these were only thoughts, the irritability persisted. It must be something deeper. This was just a ploy to avoid looking deeper.
Being only a week or so away from returning home from this trip, the story of what i will tell my long time (25 years) meditation buddy has happened to Vince sounds so lame.
"Oh, by the way, while i was away i 'saw' the illusion of a self." 
My wife also is unimpressed. i guess she is thinking "Oh, just Vince being weird again."
This desire for something substantial to show for 'stream entry' was possibly behing this mornings hissy fit.
Keep open to deeper. 
Accept that conditioning will continue for some time.


Enlightenment, like God, is a word that means different things to different people.
Because of the assumptions and preconceptions which are often highly emotive, they can be considered contaminated words and not used unless accompanied by definitions.
Liberation is a more appropriate word for 'stream entry', a Buddhist  term for someone who has realised (made real) or seen at an experiential level the illusion of a 'self' (and some other stuff - see here)
The illusion of permanence is also another one the Buddhists place great emphasis on.
The illusion of knowing another person.
The illusion of knowing anything at all.
The illusion of Truth (see here for an exposition this and the previous illusion)
A caveat on knowing anything and Truth is that these may not be illusion for somebody more fully realised. i have no insight for this - yet.
Illusion of the existence of an entity called society, church, government, etc., anything that is a name for a collection of events or people. It is the generalisation (an illusion) that constitutes the evil (another illusion) and makes for 'isms. (racism, nationalism etc.)
The illusion of Ownership.
The illusion of the inevitability of suffering.
The illusion of the future/past.
The illusion of good/bad.

In fact, if it is said that seeing what is real as distinct to what is illusion, then we get to a position where the only reality is the wordless happening of NOW. (it can only be described post event)
Does this make everything else illusion?

Monday, November 21, 2011


James asked me here "Experientially, does experience belong to the body, or is the body part of experience?"
The reply went "Hi James, (in my experience :))they can't be separated. 
When this body experiences, it is both the experienced and the experiencer.
The experience can't be experienced without the body just as the body can't exist (be perceived) without the experience."
But now to take this a little deeper...
What is experience?
Is it a reaction to something? re-action...
Is it action, as in primary activity ? Is all action really re-action ?

2 day break...

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts and couldn't arrive at what experience actually is, then Aha!
Experience is an illusion too. Like thoughts, experience is a label, a concept to explain happenings that have already happened.
Experience is memory about thoughts &/or sensations that have occurred in the past (albeit sometimes only seconds ago, but nevertheless in the past) usually as a reaction to circumstances.

Experience was.
Happenings remembered.
Only now is real.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


Mariana Caplan is quoted as saying here in Suzanne Foxtons' blog Nothing Exists, Despite Appearances; 
"...Or is it best to entirely relax all semblance of control, and let life live you?"
Thoughts arise saying that "...let life live you" is all that can happen anyway.
Whether relaxed or uptight (or anything else) makes no difference to the fact of 'life-ing' happening. 
It's an illusion to believe that choice exists. 
Relaxed or uptight will have an effect on how it happens.
If choice is an illusion, then how can relaxation predominate over stress ?
It seems that future thoughts or feelings can be influenced by intention
Not the exact thought of feeling but their flavour.
This may be a moot point, as when the welcoming of 'what is' exists (how do we choose this, if choice is an illusion?), then everything is OK, and a relaxed attitude follows.

Welcoming 'what IS',
relaxing into the 'now',
opens up the heart.

Friday, November 18, 2011


When asked by Ilona on the LiberationUnleashed forum last night if there were any doubts about having passed through the gate (to Liberation), the reply was;
"No doubts anywhere..."
That was last night.
This morning, woke with thoughts arising that went like this; "surely this can't be IT", "this is too ordinary to be IT", "there would be definite knowledge if..." 
These thoughts might be labelled as doubts, but there is an immediate recognition that they are only thoughts.

No matter what thoughts arise, there can be no doubt that any idea of a me is entirely conceptual.
There simply isn't anything to anchor a certainty to, that this is IT.

Pain, Suffering & Happiness

There is a somewhat cliched saying that goes "You should live every day of your life like it it your last day on earth."
The 'New Age' genre has taken this to mean something like "live life with gusto". To analyse this a little further, they mean that to be inhibited by possible negative consequences is to limit achievement, and thus limit happiness. This implies happiness it a result of achievement. This is False.
Happiness is the default state for human beings.
In the absence of all conceptual thinking, happiness remains. Even with the existence of pain there is happiness.
Some elaboration here.
Suffering is entirely caused by thinking.
Suffering can exist even without physical pain.
You might say suffering is emotional pain.
Physical pain + concept =  suffering is also true.
The body has it's own way of handling pain.
Pain is a messenger, with the intent to protect the body. Obviously there is value to heed it.
Our culture has seemingly forgotten that and treats all pain as an enemy to be subdued.
Consider a headache. i am feeling sorry for myself (suffering) when something interesting comes along and for a while there is no thought or feeling of the headache. Later when attention falls away from the diversion awareness of the pain returns, and so the actual pain returns.
Had it gone while i was diverted, or was i just unaware of it. Can awareness of the pain, and the actual pain, be separated?
What about the occasions when discovering an injury that has left blood, but having no recollection of doing it. Logically, there would have been pain, but there is no memory of it. There is just a wound that the mind says "Oh, I must have bumped it against something..."
But enough of pain, what about Happiness?
Not the high of yippee-ness, or blissed out ecstasy. That is beyond happiness and obviously can't be sustained.
A sense of "all is well", of a harmony with circumstances that exists in the background of current happenings. When focused on, elicits a feeling of quiet pleasure.
This is the happiness that exists when the absence of concept is realised. (the convention of language makes it seem that happiness (a noun) exists in it's own right as a separate thing to be owned, but that isn't how it is meant here. It is just a clumsy description for awareness of a sense of something.)
Nothing needs to be done, in fact nothing can be done to achieve it.
It exists in the absence of the belief that a concept is real. The concept of Self, the concept of Future or Past, the concept of good or bad. Probably any concept.

Happiness just is,
when I don't chase it away.
Oh how wonder-full.

Death doesn't exist !

Two weeks ago i was having a conversation with my father-in-law.
Ten days ago he was in a hospital bed full of morphine, unable to communicate with us.
One week ago we buried him.
Now he is a memory.
That is he exists only as thoughts. He has become conceptual to this mind/body.
Did i consider my own and others eventual demise because of this experience? Yes.
BUT, it was recognised that they were just thoughts. It was conceptual.
What is real is now, and now, and now...

My death is a thought,
until it really happens.
today i'm living.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

the meaning of life...

Just reading a blog wherein some 'free' bods talking about the meaning of life.
Here is a take on it....
Q: what is the meaning of life ?
Hmm, first thought is that mind needs/wants to give meaning to everything. That's what minds do.
A cliche'd response is "life is it's own meaning".
This presumes that there is a thing called life (a noun) and that meaning (purpose) is intrinsic to it.
'Life' like 'Truth' is one of those words that are used as a noun but don't actually exist. An anomaly in our language.
'Life' is what we call the process of 'Living'. It's a language convention. It's uncritical thinking that leads to believing a language convention actually has literal meaning as a thing.
What is 'Life' ?
Is there a thing called 'Life' separate from a person (mind/body)?
If there were no people on this planet we would say that there was still life here. The plants and animals are the obvious 'living' things.
So now it becomes a little clearer that what we call 'life' is the process of coming into existence, growing (or evolving) then dying (after which, there is no life left)
Less commonly considered would be the life of a rock. Technically it comes into being from some process (compression or a volcano etc) gets moved about by various means, gets eroded back to dust (dies). There is no evolution during its 'life-time'
Clearly the process between birth and death is what we mean by 'life' when we consider plants and rocks (animals may fit here or with the following...) but when we talk about humans, we are referring not to what takes place internally, but what happens TO them. "Life did that to him." etc.
If 'life' doesn't exist as a separate thing, then obviously is can't do anything to anybody.
Life is just as much an illusion, a story, as Self is, therefore is is impossible for meaning to be intrinsic to it. Meaning can only be ascribed to Life. It is just part of the story that is constructed by mind (thoughts)
Of course all of the above is from this limited mind perspective, so it is absolutely NOT a complete view.
There are those who claim to recognise Oneness that say there is purpose to it all....

Can life have meaning,
when happenings called living,
only happen now.

Monday, November 14, 2011

current situation...

What is the current situation, a week after going through the gate?
Still no sonic boom, still no Aha! of seeing anything exciting, just a continual awareness that Vince was all made up and that THIS is all there is.
By THIS i mean WHAT IS happening now, and now, and now...
Sounds of typing is happening, sounds of cars are happening, sounds of Tinnitus is happening.
No thoughts of the past or future are needed for this typing, so no such thoughts.
Feeling a slight fullness in the stomach region after eating tea a few minutes ago.
Waiting, waiting for the next words to form on the screen. Hmm, how is waiting experienced ? It's just a stillness that has a sensation of emptiness, a kind of vacuum that sucks words from somewhere. The word emptiness came out spelled wrongly and a red line formed under it. Without verbal thought, a right mouse click and insert the correction.
As boring as this might seem, it isn't. Life is mostly like this now, and now, etc.
It's actually very freeing. Hmm, that is there is no weight of what has to be done. A trust that everything that needs doing will get done, and above all i don't need to 'do' Vince. Everything just happens.
Lost in the 'doing' happens.
i watched a movie this afternoon with my wife and her two sisters. As it finished one sister looked at me and said "You've been crying" at which point i realised that it was true. It wasn't a sad movie and i couldn't say why i had been crying. It was emotional and i was lost in it. There was no awareness of a me until she spoke to me.
Life is becoming that way. Lost in each activity that happens. Just being reactive. Present circumstances telling me what is required now, and now, and now...

Life is a story.
Living is doing it now.
It all just happens.

Friday, November 11, 2011

does knowing require a knower?

Tell me, does knowing require a knower? Is there somebody that knows and believes? 
logically speaking knowing can only happen to a knower, but as there is no-one (there is a body but whether it can have knowing is another story - grin) no-one to do the knowing and believing, all that can be said is that knowing or believing just happens - if it does.
How does that work?
Hah! this question just triggered something from my waffle about not being able to know anything. 
When writing that i was focusing on absolute knowledge and the Aha that just occurred was 'who' can't know anything for sure. Of course! it's inane, it's a non issue, there is no-one to know.
So to answer your question of a couple of posts ago...
seeing that there is no i has happened. There is no seeing of knowing or believing.

Steps towards liberation...

Write this down.
There is no self at all in reality. No me that lives my life. 
Watch, wait, notice, write- what comes up? 

i am at ease with this. i see clearly that there is only a concept of I/me
Is there fear? 
No fear. In fact there is exhilaration, an excitement about adventure.
Is there doubt? 
No doubts. i can't see how it could be different.
See fear (above)
Yes, some frustration, but see the hollowness of this. i can see how it is the result of thoughts about how i used to imagine Enlightenment would be, specifically how certainty would exist.
Something that wants to scream and make a turn away, something that says this is not working? 
Thoughts that i may not be 'there' certainly exist, but are seen as just thoughts that are a hangover from old ideas.
Or maybe there is  wow, joy, relief?
No, ordinariness prevails. 
Notice all that is going on inside and just put it down in writing.

What is going on is a subtle sense of release. A seeing that the old identification with an I was responsible the illusion/story that causes all of the suffering in the world.

Strip away all expectations.
What do you expect that liberation is going to be like?
Expectation have changed as of two weeks ago. No more expectations of a sonic boom.
i guess this is not answering the question. What do i expect ?
i expect a progression, a deepening into a state where brain conditioning will fade resulting in habitual, ritualistic thoughts decreasing.
What do you want from it?
There is no I/you to want anything and no 'it' to deliver anything.
How do you imagine a liberated human behaves? 
They would be as varied as their conditioning/experiences.
What should it be like?
i'm tempted to say that this is a stupid question that doesn't deserve consideration, but will see where it takes me.
It should be what it will be.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

more on the Unconscious mind.

How freeing is this ? Wow!
i used to think that i was at the mercy of the unconscious mind. That it caused feelings and behaviour that i couldn't control. i called a certain part of it Ego and believed it needed to be killed for me to be free.
How different now!
Without the need to playact Vince there is no conflict between one part of mind and another.
The part that thinks how I should be and the part how I really am are all thoughts to be observed as one observes an interesting piece of art or a scene in nature (which is what it is)
Not being compelled to obey conscious or unconscious thoughts means being relaxed regardless of what thoughts arise.
None of them speak of 'me'
What/Who 'i' am is before the thoughts, is the seer of the thoughts and as such can't be considered by thought/mind.
i used to think it was unconscious mind that tied shoelaces without attention, but as Ilona said yesterday, it is just brain. Itch and Scratch.
The only difference between conscious and unconscious mind is attention.
Unconscious mind seen is no longer unconscious.
Conscious mind seen may well calm down to only task oriented behaviour. This is likely to conserve a large amount of wasted energy.
This will be interesting......

the unconscious mind,
made conscious by attention,
may laugh and giggle.

further confirmation... and the Unconscious mind.

Here is further confirmation that something is happening.
Jiddu Krishnamurti seems to have started to speak more coherently. :)
For 30 years i have been reading him, knowing that what he was saying was good & important but couldn't really relate to his words.
Yesterday, glancing at Flight of the Eagle, what he was saying is so clear. Wow!
One of the things he spoke about, of particular interest, is the division between the conscious and unconscious mind.
"We said we would go into this question of the conscious and the deeper levels, the unconscious: and we are asking why is there this division, this division between the conscious mind, occupied with its own daily activities, worries, problems, superficial pleasures, earning a livelihood and so on and the deeper levels of that mind, with all its hidden motives, its drives, compulsive demands, its fears? Why is there this division? Does it exist because we are so occupied, superficially, with endless chatter, with the constant demand, superficially, for amusement, entertainment, religious as well as otherwise? Because the superficial mind cannot possibly delve deeply into itself while this division arises.
What is the content of the deeper layers of the mind? - not
according to the psychologists, Freud and so on - and how do you find out, if you do not read what others have said? How will you find out what your unconscious is? You will watch it, will you not? Or, will you expect your dreams to interpret the contents of the unconscious? And who is to translate those dreams? The experts? - they are also conditioned by their specialisation. And one asks: is it possible not to dream at all? - excepting of course for nightmares when one has eaten the wrong food, or has had too heavy a meal in the evening.
There is - we will use the word for the time being - the unconscious. What is it made of? - obviously the past; all the racial consciousness, the racial residue, the family tradition, the various religious and social conditioning - hidden, dark, undiscovered; can all that be discovered and exposed without dreams? - or without going to an analyst? - so that the mind, when it does sleep, is quiet, not incessantly active. And, because it is quiet, may there not come into it quite a different quality, a different activity altogether, dissociated from the daily anxieties, fears, worries, problems, demands? To find that out - if that is possible - that is, not to dream at all, so that the mind is really fresh when it wakes up in the morning, one has to be aware during the day, aware of the hints and intimations. Those one can discover only in relationship; when you are watching your relationship with others, without condemning, judging, evaluating; just watching how you behave, your reactions; seeing without any choice; just observing, so that during the day the hidden, the unconscious, is exposed.
Why do we give such deep significance and meaning to the unconscious? - for after all, it is as trivial as the conscious. If the
conscious mind is extraordinarily active, watching, listening, seeing, then the conscious mind becomes far more important than the unconscious; in that state all the contents of the unconscious are exposed; the division between the various layers comes to an end. Watching your reactions when you sit in a bus, when you are talking to your wife, your husband, when in your office, writing, being alone - if you are ever alone - then this whole process of observation, this act of seeing (in which there is no division as the `observer' and the `observed') ends the contradiction."
end quote. 

vince as a character

Can you look at vince as a character and tell us what you see. How does a character operate?
There are qualities distinctive to an individual mind/body, but they are not "in there". They occur because of the conditioning and experience that has happened.
There used to be a part played by an actor attempting to be Vince. Now there is no need to be Vince. There is just what occurs.
What mechanism drives it?
Reaction. Reaction to external stimuli. Reaction to thoughts that occur. Reaction to feelings (stimulated by thought)

Hmm, i get your point about ego. Even though i was using it as a convenient label for a collection of certain thoughts, it does start to look like a description of an entity, but i wasn't giving it existence as anything separate. Certainly better to drop it even as a description.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

what is Ego, does it really exist?

what is Ego, does it really exist?

The Ego is now seen for what it is, a collection of thoughts/memories that produces other thoughts which attract judgments (more thoughts) about the worth of an idea called self.
It's a label for a concept. 
It exists as much as any concept can exist. That is it is maintained by thought.
When thought stops, Ego stops.
i also use the term ego for those useful thoughts (mostly 'unconscious') that take care of things like tying shoelaces or nose blowing - daily living stuff that doesn't require attention.

Do I exist ?

Do I exist ?
Obviously it can't happen that every new person spoken to gets an explanation that they see 'themselves' differently to how this person relates to self, so a convention of language will continue.
When typing a lower case i indicates no identification with Ego (capital I)
I (Ego) exists for sake of daily navigation. Identification as who i am does not.
It is clearly seen how I was a construct, a concept, and how it came about.

What is the self and how does it work?
Hmm, i imagine that 'self' and 'I' are synonymous, so "what is self" answered above.
"How it works" is that Ego, constantly masturbating, lays claim to ownership of any thought that bolsters it in any way and rejects by way of projection any thought that might diminish it.
It is clearly seen that everything that people do is for the purpose of feeling better.

How would you describe this to a friend who has never heard of this before?
In the past I would take any opportunity to expound the virtues of 'spirituality' to anybody that would listen (or mostly was a captive audience)
This friend would have to show some interest or at least be suffering in some way that might create an opportunity for interest.
Firstly, i would describe the end of suffering for me. (explain the difference between pain and suffering)
i might lead them, as gently as possible, to see that what they took to be themselves is a mental concept and that there is a feeling component to freedom from that obsession.
i would explain that the brain being conditioned will almost certainly mean that habit for old ways may well continue, but that it will taper off as realisations occur about how it all works.

What was that last push?
There was no flash of recognition, so it is hard to say.
A recent significant moment was when Skyping Eric Gross and he told me to "trust" (the actual converstion is somewhat vague now even though it occurred only two weeks ago)
That coupled with a blog entry of his on scratching the itch (see my take on it with a reference back to his post here,

How does it feel to be liberated?
There is no certain knowledge that it has occurred.
There is however a subtle feeling of freedom (from the illusion of a identifiable me)
It is centred around the sternum area and when focused on elicits a definite sensation in the head which i would describe as an altered state of consciousness.
It feels good to see anger/frustration reactions fade almost instantly with a chuckle. This feeling is a result of a thought about achievement/success/progress.

Is there a separate entity at all in real life? 
No, not separate, no entity.

Was there ever? 
Only in mind.

tell me what is real?
Don't know.
i can only behave as if certain things are real for the sake of navigating through daily life.
i don't even know if all this isn't happening in a dream and i will dream that i woke up only to wake up and realise that i was dreaming that i woke up and dreamed that i woke up.
For the sake of daily life, just to separate concepts from descriptions will suffice.
(see this blog post

Has 'it' happened ??

Sometime over the last two days something has changed for me.
It is subtle, but very definitely a shift in thinking/feeling has occurred.
i hesitate to call it Enlightenment as that claim seems too preposterous.
i have lived with the belief that those enlightened beings definitely know that it has happened for them.
i don't know!
i guess it doesn't actually matter, as this new 'state' is one of being very involved in actual experience with only occasional thought about the past or future. Recognising them as just thoughts. No attachment.
Recognition that i expected a sonic boom as i sailed through the gate-less gate exists. That certainty would exist. That i would be able to pontificate with authority. That i would know how things work. That i would recognise Oneness. All these things have fallen away.
Now i realise what others have said about the 'ordinaryness' of it.
While i wouldn't describe it as ordinary, the extraordinary-ness is subtle.
There is a tolerance, hmm, an acceptance of everything as OK. Amusement at accidents, even recognition of value in them. Knowing the rightness of the phrase "everything is as it should be"
Thoughts that it might be temporary, that it is yet to be really tested, keep occurring, but without any vigour.
There is a sense that it might be better to keep it secret from family and friends as i imagine that 'proof' will be sought. Though it might be fear that their reaction might threaten what seems a fragile thing.
These of course, are just thoughts. As someone i read recently almost said, "Once you know Santa is your parents", you can never again believe he is more than a concept. So how could i ever again believe I is more than a concept ? Still, there is a sense of possessiveness present.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

appropriate action...

What is the appropriate action to take when it is seen that adolescent grandchildren that you love are heading down a path to hell?
By hell i mean that they are being consumed by the illusion that what matters most in the world is that their peers think they look good. That their possessions are as good as their peers possessions. That their self worth is determined be the acceptance of their friends and the advertisements on TV. That the taste of what they eat is much more important than it's nutritional value.
Can i do anything? Should i do anything?
For any offering to be accepted, without doubt it must have no element of criticism.
Waiting for enquiry may be the most appropriate attitude....
But then i might wait forever, but as it's their trip (not mine), that's ok too.

I think therefore...

Descarte' famous saying, "I think, therefore I am." is worthy of analysis.
"I think..."
Who thinks?
I can only say "I" if I don't look.
If I do look, the best i can come up with is a concept which I call I.
Who thinks?
If mind investigates then it can only observe thoughts arising.
Also it is implied that thinking is a deliberate action, but investigation of this shows that thoughts happen to me, not by me.
Who "am"?
Am is definitely correct.
Something is aware that this is going on. Perhaps it is Consciousness ?
"am" what?
If the am is happening to that something, then the something is before mind, so it is reasonable that the mind can't know what produces it.
When we look in a mirror we don't see ourselves. We see an image of how we look. It in no way represents more than a visual representation of our body.
Perhaps the mind is like a mirror reflecting a partial representation of the "what" ?

If Descarte were more accurate, maybe he would have said "Thinking occurs, therefore Ego can believe it is I."

Friday, November 4, 2011

Mostly i come here with no idea...

Mostly i come here with no idea what will appear from the keyboard.
Like this, i just start typing and watch the result.
As i type ideas appear and tonight the ideas that are appearing are about ideas appearing.
The idea that i can own a thought or that i know what thoughts are going to occur seems to have no basis in reality now.
Even intention is something that just occurs, although it possibly is the perpetrator of thoughts.
i intend to do something, then thoughts about doing occur. How will it get done? When will it get done? What are the ramifications of it being done? etc...
From this perspective, i am freed from responsibility for thoughts, although not from the consequences of them.
Being free of responsibility means No Judgement. i don't have emotional reactions to the pseudo moral judgement about the thought. My thoughts don't mean i am a good or bad person.
i can watch thoughts and react to them or not.
Frequently now i find myself laughing out loud at thoughts that occur.
This is in response to the realisation that it is not 'me' that is having the thoughts and that i am not bound to obey them.
It is particularly liberating when it comes to thoughts about how i should feel.
My 94 year old father-in-law is in hospital since yesterday and the doctors say he has a 1% chance of surviving the next 2 days as his kidneys have shut down.
i have had several bouts of sadness since hearing the news but each time it is in response to others sadness/pain and not to the fact of his likely demise, even though i am fond of him.
i also noticed that my public display of tears have engendered no feelings of embarrassment or self-consciousness or even thoughts about that. Awareness of that came in retrospect.

i read somewhere once that emotions are the physical component of thought.
This resonates for me.
So not being a slave to my thoughts means a whole different emotional landscape.
Strong emotions have led me, in the past, to say and do things that later i regretted. Phew! to be free of that is fantastic. (i feel really good for having that thought)
In reality, as brain is conditioned, it is reasonable to expect habit might lead to relapse from time to time, but also reasonable is that this will taper off as the new way of being establishes.

Thought, then a feeling.
A thought then a space,
optional feeling.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

If an orphaned tiger cub...

If an orphaned tiger cub only days old is put with a new litter of dog pups to be raised by mother dog, will it think it is a dog or a tiger?
The picture shows 3 cubs but in our story let's assume 1 cub. (That way it never sees another tiger.)
Does it think it looks like Mum (the dog)?
It knows nothing different. Even though it is 5 or 6 times larger when fully grown than mum, it will still have a relationship of child to parent. Obviously natural instincts will define certain behaviour while other behaviour will be taught by it's dog mother.
As it can't see itself, it may even believe it looks like a dog.
We (people) are the tiger raised by the dog (our culture)
We have certain instincts that we ignore or suppress because Mum (culture) doesn't tolerate them.
Just as we don't hear our own snoring, the conditioned brain filters out anything that doesn't accord with our view or who or what we are.
It is so convinced that it 'know', that it is prepared to go to war to retain/protect the status quo.
Encouraged by political parties, religion, clubs etc to regard anybody that doesn't agree as an enemy.
It even goes to war with itself when a truth about a person is not in line with how it thinks it should be, or if it thinks that it would be too painful to confront an unacceptable situation. This then results in illness as the cost of repression.
How then do we go about changing this ?
What would we change to ?