Tuesday, November 8, 2011

what is Ego, does it really exist?

what is Ego, does it really exist?

The Ego is now seen for what it is, a collection of thoughts/memories that produces other thoughts which attract judgments (more thoughts) about the worth of an idea called self.
It's a label for a concept. 
It exists as much as any concept can exist. That is it is maintained by thought.
When thought stops, Ego stops.
i also use the term ego for those useful thoughts (mostly 'unconscious') that take care of things like tying shoelaces or nose blowing - daily living stuff that doesn't require attention.

Do I exist ?

Do I exist ?
Obviously it can't happen that every new person spoken to gets an explanation that they see 'themselves' differently to how this person relates to self, so a convention of language will continue.
When typing a lower case i indicates no identification with Ego (capital I)
I (Ego) exists for sake of daily navigation. Identification as who i am does not.
It is clearly seen how I was a construct, a concept, and how it came about.

What is the self and how does it work?
Hmm, i imagine that 'self' and 'I' are synonymous, so "what is self" answered above.
"How it works" is that Ego, constantly masturbating, lays claim to ownership of any thought that bolsters it in any way and rejects by way of projection any thought that might diminish it.
It is clearly seen that everything that people do is for the purpose of feeling better.

How would you describe this to a friend who has never heard of this before?
In the past I would take any opportunity to expound the virtues of 'spirituality' to anybody that would listen (or mostly was a captive audience)
This friend would have to show some interest or at least be suffering in some way that might create an opportunity for interest.
Firstly, i would describe the end of suffering for me. (explain the difference between pain and suffering)
i might lead them, as gently as possible, to see that what they took to be themselves is a mental concept and that there is a feeling component to freedom from that obsession.
i would explain that the brain being conditioned will almost certainly mean that habit for old ways may well continue, but that it will taper off as realisations occur about how it all works.

What was that last push?
There was no flash of recognition, so it is hard to say.
A recent significant moment was when Skyping Eric Gross http://liberationfromthelie.com and he told me to "trust" (the actual converstion is somewhat vague now even though it occurred only two weeks ago)
That coupled with a blog entry of his on scratching the itch (see my take on it with a reference back to his post here, http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com/2011/10/absence-of-what-you-are-doing-trying-to.html

How does it feel to be liberated?
There is no certain knowledge that it has occurred.
There is however a subtle feeling of freedom (from the illusion of a identifiable me)
It is centred around the sternum area and when focused on elicits a definite sensation in the head which i would describe as an altered state of consciousness.
It feels good to see anger/frustration reactions fade almost instantly with a chuckle. This feeling is a result of a thought about achievement/success/progress.

Is there a separate entity at all in real life? 
No, not separate, no entity.

Was there ever? 
Only in mind.

tell me what is real?
Don't know.
i can only behave as if certain things are real for the sake of navigating through daily life.
i don't even know if all this isn't happening in a dream and i will dream that i woke up only to wake up and realise that i was dreaming that i woke up and dreamed that i woke up.
For the sake of daily life, just to separate concepts from descriptions will suffice.
(see this blog post http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com/2011/10/truth-revisited.html

Has 'it' happened ??

Sometime over the last two days something has changed for me.
It is subtle, but very definitely a shift in thinking/feeling has occurred.
i hesitate to call it Enlightenment as that claim seems too preposterous.
i have lived with the belief that those enlightened beings definitely know that it has happened for them.
i don't know!
i guess it doesn't actually matter, as this new 'state' is one of being very involved in actual experience with only occasional thought about the past or future. Recognising them as just thoughts. No attachment.
Recognition that i expected a sonic boom as i sailed through the gate-less gate exists. That certainty would exist. That i would be able to pontificate with authority. That i would know how things work. That i would recognise Oneness. All these things have fallen away.
Now i realise what others have said about the 'ordinaryness' of it.
While i wouldn't describe it as ordinary, the extraordinary-ness is subtle.
There is a tolerance, hmm, an acceptance of everything as OK. Amusement at accidents, even recognition of value in them. Knowing the rightness of the phrase "everything is as it should be"
Thoughts that it might be temporary, that it is yet to be really tested, keep occurring, but without any vigour.
There is a sense that it might be better to keep it secret from family and friends as i imagine that 'proof' will be sought. Though it might be fear that their reaction might threaten what seems a fragile thing.
These of course, are just thoughts. As someone i read recently almost said, "Once you know Santa is your parents", you can never again believe he is more than a concept. So how could i ever again believe I is more than a concept ? Still, there is a sense of possessiveness present.