How to access it was the question.
Listing any beliefs held, starting with beliefs that may have been behind whatever i was doing when expressing the anger.
Wife accused me of being greedy.
I responded with anger, shouting back "NO, YOU ARE WRONG."
So obviously there is a belief that i am not greedy. That's 1.
2. Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way. An I !
3. This implies that for there to be an I, then i am not through the gate.
4. This means that at best, i only ever had an intellectual understanding of it.
5. Does that mean that the I that i intellectually understand is not there, doesn't exist, is still really believed in by the me that i intellectually understand doesn't exist ?
Well, look where that lead me;
The non existant I is a fraud.
The non existant I is pretending to be a non existant I but really is still identified with that non existant I.
What is this non existant I to do?
The non existant I that has no choice anyway. That never actually controlled anything, what is it to do knowing that it can't do anything anyway ?
How can it stop being a fraud and really, really SEE that the non existant I can't possibly identify with a non existant I because it never existed in the first place ?