I do not consider myself less ignorant than most people. I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my blood whispers to me. My story is not a pleasant one; it is neither sweet nor harmonious, as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams — like the lives of all men who stop deceiving themselves. Each man’s life represents the road toward himself, and attempt at such a road, the intimation of a path. No man has ever been entirely and completely himself. Yet each one strives to become that — one in an awkward, the other in a more intelligent way, each as best he can. Herman Hesse
"who stop deceiving themselves" this could be a key to the 'portal' Whenever i have an opinion about myself (or the world) then i am deceiving myself into thinking that i 'know' something when clearly it is just a view that i hold for the moment. The only way not to deceive myself is to know (hmmm,) that i know nothing. Everything becomes fresh and actual without the overlay of my opinion (knowing) or judgmental attitude. The question then becomes 'how do i avoid the habit of thinking that i know anything?' Is it just a matter of reminding myself everytime i realise that i had an opinion? It is probably beyond me to do anything other than this.
Why am i lying about what really matters ? About who i am.