Wednesday, February 2, 2011

giving up the search

Believing that there is nothing i can DO to transcend my current state of 'awakeness' - if i stop thinking about it (hah!), will it ever 'happen'?
My mind says i have to, at least intend to 'get there'
i tell people that i live in heaven now. i have an idyllic lifestyle. live in a beautiful setting. no financial worries (modest but sustainable) happy most of the time (can't remember the last time i felt depressed, probably a couple of years ago) good relationship with wife and family, but have broken out in a skin problem that i'm sure is triggered by my unconscious mind.
Is this related to my 'search' ?
Certainly this 'condition' belies the above statement about being happy (logically)
i had this 45 years ago when i was 'trapped' in an unhappy job (in the navy)
i do believe that even if environmental influences are involved that they would only be the means whereby this mind/body expresses whatever it is experiencing.
If i turn my back on enlightenment, would it heal up ?
i guess i won't find out. (even if it did heal there is no certainty that it would be related to 'giving up'

wonderful mystery
the way things work for people
enjoy the questions.