Monday, November 14, 2011
What is the current situation, a week after going through the gate?
Still no sonic boom, still no Aha! of seeing anything exciting, just a continual awareness that Vince was all made up and that THIS is all there is.
By THIS i mean WHAT IS happening now, and now, and now...
Sounds of typing is happening, sounds of cars are happening, sounds of Tinnitus is happening.
No thoughts of the past or future are needed for this typing, so no such thoughts.
Feeling a slight fullness in the stomach region after eating tea a few minutes ago.
Waiting, waiting for the next words to form on the screen. Hmm, how is waiting experienced ? It's just a stillness that has a sensation of emptiness, a kind of vacuum that sucks words from somewhere. The word emptiness came out spelled wrongly and a red line formed under it. Without verbal thought, a right mouse click and insert the correction.
As boring as this might seem, it isn't. Life is mostly like this now, and now, etc.
It's actually very freeing. Hmm, that is there is no weight of what has to be done. A trust that everything that needs doing will get done, and above all i don't need to 'do' Vince. Everything just happens.
Lost in the 'doing' happens.
i watched a movie this afternoon with my wife and her two sisters. As it finished one sister looked at me and said "You've been crying" at which point i realised that it was true. It wasn't a sad movie and i couldn't say why i had been crying. It was emotional and i was lost in it. There was no awareness of a me until she spoke to me.
Life is becoming that way. Lost in each activity that happens. Just being reactive. Present circumstances telling me what is required now, and now, and now...
Life is a story.
Living is doing it now.
It all just happens.