after a phone call to my mum this morning (she is sick and lonely and 1500km from where i am) frustration expressed itself as anger (towards her and my brother)
This time it didn't feel hollow.
My reaction to my explosion was pretty ordinary in that there was no humour (as there has been for the recent angers (that did feel hollow))
I did manage to ask myself "who is feeling this?" but it was like i had one leg caught in the quicksand of emotion. Even now (a couple of hours later) there is a feeling of still being (a little) covered by the fog of it.
The situation has no answer (that will make everybody happy) at the 'normal' level.
i know that my participation in it should, has, will be to 'allow' whatever.
How did this help me ?
By showing me what i intellectually knew that there is still unconscious stuff keeping me locked in mind.
knowing that my thoughts
are the prison of my mind
the key to release is peace