Tuesday, January 31, 2012

emotions are like...

Some caring was expressed on the LiberationUnleashed liberated group today (just a few minutes ago) and i teared up.
Just witnessing caring, sharing evoked an instant surge of emotion and a resulting welling up of tears.
Not a sob. No wrenching. Just an overflow of beautiful, sensation.
Just writing about it now, triggers it again, although not as strong.
Is it that the Grief juice of the past couple of days (or is it more?) has primed this organism?
i checked and it started on Jan 26th Ha! Australia Day. It started as i got into the car to drive to Melbourne. post - on-way-to-melbourne

But these tears have nothing to do with Grief.
The wounded animal plea from that poor Doubt Sufferer evoked Compassion, which evoked, in turn, tears.
Are these tears different to yesterdays tears of a Grief overflow?
That one came out as an eruption. No gentle buildup to a beautiful meniscus before overflowing.
The possible story (for entertainment) is that they are connected, that yesterdays meltdown somehow contributed to todays.
i like it !
There is a sensation of being lifted from inside this chest. Like the chest cavity has been filled with enough helium gas to exert an upward lifting sensation.
The head seems to be physically cleaning out.
There is a gentleness, a sensitive-ness that pervades not only the body/mind but the space around it and includes everybody that thought touches.

Monday, January 30, 2012

haiku - Grief

Pass through me, Sweet Grief.
Mobilise the flow of Love
Cleansing Fire of Death.

Grief without an I,
no sadness inherent there.
Just the Flow of Love.

The Flow of Love is,
just a story to explain,
Inhaled by All.

Which is just story,
about what the feeling is,
The Something called Grief.

now that She is talking about her death...

Now that She is talking about her death,
Grief rises like a volcano
threatening to blow the top off this head.
Saved only by the sideways explosion from eyes/nose/mouth.
Grief, not painful grief.
Sweet grief.
Grief with such an intense pleasure that it could easily be mistaken for pain.
Without concern for appearance or response,
Sweet Grief takes over the mind/body Organism.
Thoughts and Feelings get swept upwards in the torrent of Love.
Occasionally a thought floats into consciousness saying,
"you're a selfish bastard! This isn't about You.
Where is your consideration for those more worthy of Sweet Mother Grief ?"
To which i reply "O Thought, you may be right,
                             but Happening is no Choice. "
And sometimes it seems that it Is Their grief being expressed Here.

Asked to do the Eulogy, and the story began;
"please everybody get your handkerchief or tissues out and ready.
i wrote many things about Heather and with each one Wept a bucket of tears.
i will start at the top of the list
But the moment i break up into tears i would like you to join me,
and we will just celebrate Her with a great big noisy cry.
... Ok, here we go...."

Sunday, January 29, 2012

haiku... On the verandah,


On the verandah,
A Hot Summer night, typing,
Compassion rages.

the Pain...

Seeing the Pain in Her sisters,
evoked it's own pain of sorts.
When does an unpleasant Sensation become painful ?
Imagined the Pain in Her Mother, though she didn't show it,
evoking an uncomfortable Question about Pain felt and Not Expressed.
Is the Pain connected to Her ?
Is it Our Pain responding to the Worlds history of Pain ?
Sadness at a Loss is pretty selfish pain.
Sadness by the witnessing of Suffering also starts and ends in our own head.
Sadness for the UnCreated by Her dying, 
still doesn't connect with Her.
All the Pain is just the Organisms' way of saying,
"I don't want to lose that limb, even though I will manage without it."
It is the Pain if Clinging to That which we never had hold of.
If i say "go in peace and love", 
it is so that i can have that peace and love.
How do i Farewell a part of me ?

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Now that i am here...

Now that i am here and have actually seen Her,
a knowing that Nothing actually needs saying,
or more accurately The Saying is done without words.
i sat in the hospital room with my wife and daughter,
visiting our lifelong friend who was lying there in bed.
Not thinking about her/my past of excellent sharing and good feelings.
i didn't think to thank her for bringing Noel into our life.
They were such a good match.
Like two aliens from a planet of benevolence, they parented the world.
i didn't thank her for the sense of adventure she imparted to my wife.
The funeral services for dead birds, contributing to vegetarian-ism.
i sat there, just sat there feeling, feeling something maybe gratitude,
though if it is gratitude it is not directed, it is not For anything.
Maybe love, but not love For or By or With, just Love.
But i don't know what Love is either.
Appreciation could get a look in,
but that implies appreciation for Something, and there's no Thing here.
Ah, there's just a Warm something in the region of the Solar Plexus.
A Feeling that might touch lightly on all of the Above, just a Feeling.
Solid in the Centre and Softening as it radiates outward,
To infinity, though i feel its' intensity for a just a few metres.
It's Her.
It's She who is that Feeling.
It's Heather inside me, that part of me that's permeated with Compassion.
But it's Her Compassion for everybody that's inside my chest.
Oh well, if i say it is love,
You'll think you know what i mean.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

On the way to Melbourne...

On the way to Melbourne,
to say a Final goodbye to Heather,
There is emotional appreciation
for the Gift she gives.
All her life she was a Gift for all those that knew her.
She is my wife's best friend and sister.
She is sister to the whole world.
Quietly stubborn sometimes and Oh, so Stoic.
In pain but never a word about it, always seems so calm.
Hope i can keep it together when talking to her on Friday.
Hope i'm not too late to talk to her. don't know what i will say.
Don't Need to say anything, but would Like to say;
"Heather, thank you for being part of my Life.
You have enriched it immensely.
Go with Love & peace.
But of course i wont, You don't admit that this could be the last conversation that you might have together.

still raining.

The rain's still falling.
It's a Frog Orchestra now.
the little fuckers.

Buckets of Frog eggs,
make rabbit breeding look tame.
The Rain is so Loud.

Meditating Sounds,
The Frogs, the Rain and my Mind.
Deep i went tonight.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Haiku told now...

A Haiku told now
replaces so many old words.
This is how it is.

an observation

The skin has an itch.
The sound of rain is pleasing.
Both incite response.

Frogs sing to the night.
A chorus of brain feeling.
Time to welcome sleep.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012

i'm posting less and less...

i'm posting less and less as there seems to be less to express.
There is plenty to express in response to discussion on This New way of Being, but not much seems to want airing otherwise.
There was a value in expressing almost anything before as this was a way of discovering what was happening at a deeper level of mind/emotion.
Now there seems to be a different kind of discovery going on.
The relaxed observing of 'What IS' seems to be the main conscious awareness that occurs.
Before, there was a desperate attempt to work out what was going on subconsciously, based on the belief that every neurosis had to be worked out/through individually. That each had to be brought to the surface and washed clean, whereas now it is seen that these thing can simple be dropped, en masse, simply with the exposure of the process that they are involved in.
Details are irrelevant. Each time a trigger is activated, regardless of What it brings up, it is Seen and that is usually the end of it.
Some triggers need multiple exposure but most do Not.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

LAST QUESTION: how has this liberation impacted your life with family/loved ones/friends?

The biggest impact is disapproval from Wife over how much time spent on computer (FB & Forum)
There is a noticeable decrease in reaction to 'button pushing' by her and certainly a decrease in the need to 'hold a position' on my part.  
Mostly they all see me a normal (vince is a bit weird) with a slightly new twist.
Overall, not much change really.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

every liberation is unique.

Every person is unique, every liberation is unique.
There may be parallels (or not) between your experience and mine. 
For me it was a subtle, gradual awakening.
Which probably says more about brain conditioning, habit than awakening.
i spent over 40 years trying to 'think' myself into a fantasy called enlightenment.
Part of the fantasy was that there would be a 'sonic boom' when it happened. 
Oh! the relief that would occur with such a definite knowing. 
Looking back it was probably that orgasmic release that would come with 'knowing', that i anticipated mostly. 
When i accepted that there was a 'crack' that i could look through and see 'it', i also accepted how 'ordinary' it all is. This then led on to a state where a 'bleed in' through that 'crack' facilitated a seeing that 'What is in my direct experiencing, is all that IS' and that everything else is part of a story, it is not real - to me)

A Realisation...

It just came to me, or more accurately, Thoughts arose that there is no need to work anything out any more.
There is a relaxation that says 'what needs to be known is shown when needed'
As this is being written, tears well up. Tears of a beautiful release. What a weight off ! No need to collect knowledge anymore. No need to consider how good i am at certain tasks.
Knowledge will be collected Of Course, but it won't be a chore that is a statement about how good i am. It will be knowledge that sticks as i brush past it. Natural curiosity of the organism will be its propellant.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How i handle Doubts.

i handle Doubts by reminding myself that Doubts are just thoughts.
Thoughts are as significant as the sound of the refrigerator.
Thoughts of Doubt are part of What IS. (if they are)
Thoughts of Doubt are a Welcome part of What IS.
Thoughts of Doubt can tell me something.
Thoughts of Doubt are triggered by something.
Thoughts of Doubt, when seen, get eliminated or at least weakened.

Thoughts of Doubt triggers, when seen, get eliminated or at least weakened.
How long would you give attention to the sound of the refrigerator ? Thoughts of Doubt need less time than that.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Question Four: If you had one bit of guidance you would have liked to have heard in the aftermath of fresh liberation from someone already through the gate, what might that advice have been?

Doubt the doubts then ROFLOL.

Something interesting occurred to me...

There is a 'feeling', a 'knowing' that the Wisdom part of the brain is dominant when on Unleashed Facebook or the Gate forum pointing for somebody.
It's as if i can see the detachment from a story that's been played in the past, but can see the script being written for This story As It Happens.
Can it be, Is it there in the rest of my life ?
This IS the rest of my life. Duh!
Only thoughts can imbue life with Apparent segments, Apparent separation.
So if this is IT.
If THIS is IT, and i want a different IT....
and choice is an illusion, then how will it happen ?
...hang on a mo while i pull up a soapbox.
right! This is how.
You intend for something to happen.
See it in your minds eye (:-))
Then you let it go. Like letting a bird fly out of your cupped hands. You let it go.
Then go on Life-ing.
Don't even wait, well, unless waiting is happening.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Doubt Thoughts are back...

Spew forth and hope that something good turns up...
The Doubt Thoughts are back...
Triggered by a person on FB saying that they have so much energy that it is almost out of control.
Then somebody agreeing. Like it was the normal.
It hasn't happened here..
Does that mean there was no gate crossing ?
No, it means that Thoughts about That arose.
It seems that there is a lingering tendency to revert.
Thoughts of Doubt probably arise only every couple of days now.
There is always The Sweet Spot for reassurance.
To see a thought as a thought with as much significance as say the sound of the refrigerator.
With the thoughts content given a casual perusal to evaluate whether they are worthy of attention.
The mind is a magnificent tool, or tool-box really. It contains equipment to solve the trickiest puzzle.
It Doesn't need a Driver.
It All just Happens.
Somehow we've given the mind permission to make up things and to ascribe meaning and purpose to everything. It's good at doing this. It's obsessed with it. It's whole purpose seem now to be Script writing.
Now that casual perusal to evaluate the worthiness of Attention is based on whether the thought realtes to something real or whether just story writing. If it's opinion, judgement, then it part of a story.
So the crap thoughts flow. They ebb and flow in a seemingly chaotic manner. They are just ignored.
Simple, they are ignored. Not interested.
Paying them no attention very quickly weakens them. They come less often and with less vigour.
They don't need to be suppressed. Simple Awareness, the Light of Attention is sufficient to kill them.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Strange and wonderful things happen here.

Strange and wonderful things happen here. 
We've now got a notion of the actuality that Everything in your current experiencing adds up to What IS, and that includes both pleasant and unpleasant sensations. 
We also have the notion that Choice is made by the organisms brain some time before the mind (thoughts) kicks in. 
So we have a notion of Surrender. 
What can we do anyway? 
There is no choice! 
So all of a sudden you become Not the Driver but you discover that you were the passenger all along. So Surrender, Give Up. Enjoy the Ride. After all, what choice is there?
So with all this going on, guess what happens ?
The bodily sensations evaporate. 
The brain has been re-wired to to a higher level of efficiency. 
It now knows of the incredible waste of energy that the feedback loop of 'thought-feeling-more thought-more feeling...' was.
The thoughts that generated the fear sensation do have some persistance, that is they are triggered by certain conditions and will be triggered in the future, BUT each time you 'see' it occur, SIMPLE SEEING it will cause it to evaporate and be weakened further (that trigger becomes unwired), until pretty quickly it becomes only an occasional visit from the friend of old that has another message for you.

Friday, January 13, 2012

i have a story...

..been sayin' for a while now that stories have a place. They are the script to negotiate a role. We have a script for son or daughter, or for mother father, or breadwinner or protector, or provider of love and many more. If we took the script for every role we have ever played plus the scripts, finished and still in progress for the future and bundled them all in together, we have a story. Your story. The Story of You. This is good. This is useful, but it is also a trap. A beautiful, sweet scented trap.
The Trap is to believe that this main character in the story is YOU.
When you can see how stories are constructed, how thought builds a multi-dimensional character it's easy to be detached, in a literal sense, to be unattached to any fabrication.
Not identified with the character in the story.
...or is it ?
How do we know that there is no/not much/a little/a teeny weeny bit of identification with one/more stories?
Do we need/want to know?
What is 'to know' ?
What is 'identification' ?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

QUESTION THREE: After going through the gate, what was your first arising doubt that your liberation/awakening was real? And how did this doubt fall away, or did it?

QUESTION THREE: After going through the gate, what was your first arising doubt that your liberation/awakening was real? And how did this doubt fall away, or did it?

Almost immediately doubts arose saying "This can't be it. It's too ordinary."
They were recognised as 'just more thoughts' that were now part of the 'What IS" and that they meant as much as a ticklish sensation might. They were now only part of a story, and this particular part was written by uninformed information about what it is like to be enlightened. So why would they deserve attention ?

Doubt says "please come back
to the safe familiar.
Thoughts, they make me sneeze !

Saturday, January 7, 2012

QUESTION TWO: WHAT was your first PROOF of a real change. How did you know by the difference in your perception/reaction/experience of "your life" post gate?

QUESTION TWO: WHAT was your first PROOF of a real change. How did you know by the difference in your perception/reaction/experience of "your life" post gate?

Jiddu Krishnamurti seems to have started to speak more coherently. :-)
For 30 years i have been reading him, knowing that what he was saying was good & important but couldn't really relate to his words.
Yesterday, glancing at Flight of the Eagle, what he was saying is so clear. Wow!
see blog entry

There have been numerous incidents that would have had a corresponding physical reaction - that didn't.

There is an Ease to life-ing. A welcome acceptance to flow with whatever presents.

There are numerous attempts to seduce an I, back into believing the story - stories that just float by.

Life-ing is Wonder-Full.

There is no interest in being right. It feels that it would be impossible to get into an argument.

Oh, a big one (that i almost forgot) - Seeking has stopped. There is no more thirst for knowledge in the hope that it will help me 'get there'.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Question One: How did you know that you had passed through the gate? What was the actual experience arising as you "got it" that there is no "I." Please be as specific as you can: body sensations, emotions, anything you can recall that arose in the actual moment of/right after this shift of perception from I to no-self

Question One: How did you know that you had passed through the gate? What was the actual experience arising as you "got it" that there is no "I." Please be as specific as you can: body sensations, emotions, anything you can recall that arose in the actual moment of/right after this shift of perception from I to no-self
In answer, referenced a post on this blog.