Tuesday, December 4, 2012


There can be responding (by this mind/body organism) to Reality or to Story.
This is not a choice, it is a statement of observation.
Whether there is responding to animate or inanimate others (people or things), the moment meaning is applied, then i am responding to story. Any meaning is speculative and thus response is to actuality plus meaning. The response itself is actual and can be given the label of reality, but the meaning component of what was responded to, is imagined, is concept, is thought content and may or may not turn out to be accurate.
It would seem that Reality is confined to direct Experiencing as everything outside of this can only be thought about. (until it is encountered)
When it comes to other people, it is exactly the same. If you see them, there is a visual experiencing. If they touch you there is a kinaesthetic experiencing. If you hear them, an auditory experiencing. Of course it doesn't stop with the raw sensory stimulation. Almost always there is association with past experience. This is still Reality. It is the belief that past experience 'means' something about this person, that is where story starts to influence reality.
When i imagine that i know what another thinks or feels, when i imagine that the others personal... the others persona, their personality can be known by anybody else, then i am totally outside of reality and completely inside concept, imagination.
Of course, this is a somewhat simplistic description. At the other end of the spectrum is relationships.
My relationship with a rock brings with it a history and preferences. For reasons beyond awareness, i prefer solid rocks to crumbly ones. i like smooth surfaces as opposed to jagged. i am taken by unusual shapes, etc.
When it comes to relationships with other people, the complexity and extent of history and preferences is huge and unknowable.
The unknown component presents the 'most likely to corrupt', influence.
The question "What is actual, and what is imagined" is the best chance for a healthy relationship. It may well be the most difficult too, as we react so quickly and unconsciously to the stuff of our thoughts while thinking that we are reacting to the other.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Wisdom revisited...

A repost from a year before awakening happened...
"Your default setting is wisdom and peace. 
The only thing that ever covers over your experience of spaciousness and peace, in any moment, is believed thought." Vince Flammini
Now, a year post liberation (2 yrs later), this is seen rather differently.
Whereas before the 'default setting' was seen as a state, now it is seen as a flow.
Even the (newly) awakened being, when responding habitually to a 'button' being pushed, will not be expressing wise thinking. This is impossible while the current of emotion is raging. The wise perspective will certainly reappear the moment that the actual happening is seen to be the result of conditioning. (this will weaken it and cause it to eventually wither away)

Here are previous posts on this subject.

Is it possible for children to express wisdom ?
This question begets the need to describe wise thinking.
In view of what is currently seen, it is simply seeing 'what IS', that is the actual, without the distortion or addition of the mind filters. The filters produced by the story of self.
The saying "out of the mouths of babes." gives us a clue. How often do we hear an unfiltered statement  about 'how it IS' from children ?
Their ego (story of self) is not yet sufficiently complex for them to include in their script, the possible ramifications of what they say, so they just blurt it out. As it IS.
i guess this is unintentional wisdom ??

Can wisdom be expressed while not knowing it is wisdom ?
The child above certainly has no concept of wisdom.
It is infrequent that an adult will express anything without an inherent opinion/judgement. (therefore unlikely that wisdom is present)

Is there such a thing as accidental wisdom ? (is there such a thing as intentional wisdom ?)
If wise thinking is present, it most certainly isn't the result of seeking wisdom. It most likely is the result of someone grokking that suffering is induced by believing a story about how they & the world works, rather than SEEing the actuality. How IT Is.
Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed—to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in experience. Wiki...

Friday, November 23, 2012

Separate or One ?

In seeing, Both see-er and seen are required. Remove any one, then neither exist. (except as a story in your mind)
How can there be separation ?
 Only the mind behaves as if separation exists. In experience, everything only exists because of everything else.
Consider the senses, hearing, tasting, smelling, seeing, feeling.
Isn't it the case that any of these senses require stimulation to become active ?
If they are being activated by a connection with whatever is being sensed, then that dance requires all partners. Ergo, no separation. In fact, a joining. And only when we are joined does experiencing start. Only when we are One, can the dance begin.
If something were truly separate, then it couldn't be part of Experiencing, as there would be no connection and thus no sense stimulation.


A belief is where some thoughts have given other thoughts permission to generate a response without consulting the 'conscious' mind, that is without consulting thoughts in the present.
It is a given. If you believe something then you respond to it without any thought. Automatically.

It is impossible to resist beliefs as there is nothing there to push back against.

Do you believe that you are at the mercy of your beliefs ?

Is belief born of thoughts ?
Is it thoughts that resonated once, in the past ?
Thoughts that other thoughts said were right ?
Thoughts that other thoughts have said need not be questioned ?
Thoughts that bypass conscious awareness and directly effect emotion ?

The way to allow a belief to become irrelevant is to examine it.
All beliefs are story, and none stand up to close scrutiny. (as being reality)
Beliefs (and opinions) are always ABOUT something. They are never IT.

Belief is what handcuffs you to a fictitious self.
No self = No beliefs. (of course, the story of self and beliefs inherent to that, remain - but are seen for what they are. That is that they are SEEn to be nothing but a Concept.)

The moment i see a belief or an opinion, alarms go off here.

Does belief require faith ?
Is faith another form of belief ?

Why does belief have any credibility ? Lots of kids believe in Santa Clause. What's the difference between that belief and somebody that believes in god, or somebody that believes in conspiracy theories. Why is your belief more credible ?

When i was a kid, it happened that one day as normally happened, my mother woke me, telling me to get ready for school.
i got up and got dressed and was just heading out the bedroom door when my mother woke me for school.
i believed i was awake and it was so realistic that when i was woken for the second time i felt like i had to do it all again, even though the first time was in a dream.
This experience left me believing that i can't actually know anything, i can only have beliefs and they can be shown to be wrong at any moment. i.e. they have no credibility. In fact they are the cause of most (if not all) suffering.
Just to finish this, i now hold the following to be true (until it is shown not to be); i can't know anything. i can only have beliefs that i will use 'as if' they are true for the purpose of navigating a given situation, and then discard them until/if they become useful again.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Experiencing, or an Experience...

The verb, Experiencing, or a noun, an Experience... this is the question.
Conventional language always uses the noun Experience, but what is an experience ?
It is a memory, a mental thing about what was being experienced at the time Experiencing was happening. Even to say "what was being experienced" attempts to turn it into a thing. (a noun)
How can the awareness-ing of the constantly changing perception be a thing ?
Language convention escapes the paradox by introducing an 'acceptable' oxymoron, called an "abstract noun".  A dictionary description says; "In this instance, abstract means to exist apart from concrete existence. A noun that is abstract is an aspect, concept, idea, experience, state of being, trait, quality, feeling, or other entity that cannot be experienced with the five senses."
Language is both useful and necessary, but like assumptions (see previous post), can easily lead us astray when it comes to assessing reality.
This 'leading astray' occurs when we remember, that is, have thoughts about previous experiencing, and mistake that, for the actual experiencing.
Consider this; can there be sensory input without sense activation ?
Can there be seeing without the seen ?
Can there be hearing without the heard ?
Of course not ! They are inseparable. So when Seeing or Hearing is occurring, there is only SEEing or HEARing. The See-er and Seen, Hear-er and Heard are inclusive of the Seeing or Hearing.
While it is occurring, there is experiencing.
Experiencing is a constant and ever changing 'process' and this happening can only ever be NOW.
The moment we refer to the past (or future), we are in concept land. The realm of thought, and that is always ABOUT. It is never IT.

Friday, November 9, 2012


Assumptions are great.
They save a lot of time and energy and make navigating daily life smoother.
example; we assume that we will arrive where we intend to go, so we don't need to consider a mechanical check of the car, or consult the public transport administration to see if everything is running ok.
You can imagine how bogged down it would get if we had to consider the details of every intention.
On the other hand, there are triggers that tell us that it's appropriate to put assumptions aside and check details. When a red light appears on the dashboard of the car, or when problems with public transport is detected.
There are those assumptions that have a more profound effect on quality of life.
The trigger for one of these is spiritual seeking. Searching for the 'meaning' of life. Dissatisfaction with happiness levels.
These triggers point to a really fundamental assumption that is universal. If everybody you know carries the same assumption, you might be forgiven for assuming that it is fact and not open to be re-considered.
When thinking of this one, the fact that the whole world once thought the earth was flat, says something...
Todays equivalent of the Flat Earth belief is the assumption that there is an actual self, that there is an I.
You don't need to be an astronomer to work this out. You can investigate it for yourself quite easily.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Choice or Choice-less ?

Since awakening occurred, there is a willing acceptance of the arisings of life-ing.
No decisions need to be made, although it still seems that they are.
Sometimes there is a reminder that i will 'go with the flow', and this seems like a choice, but on investigation, it is seen that there was already put in place the intention to 'do' this.
Certainly, it seems (in hindsight) that i could have 'chosen' to take a different direction.
But that didn't happen.
Did i have the capacity to 'do' otherwise ? i don't know.
i do know that it seems like i did, but i also know that there were no alternatives considered.
There was recognising some resistance, then a 'letting go' when the memory arose of the 'going with the flow'.
By going with the flow, i mean that whatever is in front of me, is what is willingly accepted as the top priority. eg, i am typing this and my wife comes and asks will it attend to a job, whereas before i would feel intruded upon and interrupted, now there is just doing it. No reluctance, no resistance. Just happiness at the opportunity to practice 'going with the flow'.
This 'going with the flow' seems like a previous decision was made, but in fact was a recognition that it is either do this or add distortion by resisting.
Is there a choice here ?
Before that recognition, while the illusion of choice was present, there was habit.
There was a desire to continue what was happening (what i was 'doing') and so the request to 'change course' was seen as an interference. This was where conflict occurred, which resulted in anger and disharmony.
Once seen, where was the choice ? Could i choose to continue with an attitude/behaviour that induced stress ?
Of course, conditioning (habit) still sometimes arises, but is usually seen to be occurring, which instantly causes evaporation of resistance, accompanied by a chuckle of recognition.

Sunday, October 21, 2012


In pre-awakened times, friendship, like all relationships existed on a spectrum.
There were those that were closer and those more distant.
An acquaintance, being the most distant, was someone that you shared little more with than a knowing of names, maybe occupation, and had somewhat regular visual contact with.
As the distance decreases, at some point we start calling it friendship.
It may be that this point is when personal sharing occurs.
'personal' is a whole rabbit hole of its' own.
Since awakening, it has been impossible to take anything personally. For a start, there is only a story of I or Me or self, so there is no-one to take anything personally. 
Then there is the recognition that others cannot actually know anything about 'me'. 
They can only relate to their story of me, 
and who knows how accurate that might be ?
There is no doubt that imagining that the other likes me is also important, and add to this an underlying sharing of attitudes and philosophy and the distance decreases even further.
In close friendships there is a non-judgemental acceptance of the others behaviour and thinking.
Predictability may have a place in the feeling of safety that exists when either interacting or thinking about a friend.
i used to think that it was important that a friend 'knew me'. Knew my likes and dislikes, knew my philosophy on life. Now, my 'best' friend clearly relates to a story of me, and there is complete acceptance that they will never really 'know' me.

Many so-called friendships, like most couples relationships, are actually each others demons feeding of the other.
When you say "friend", there is a softness, a warmth, good humor, connection. It is a heart thing.
When you say "acquaintance", there is a knowledge about that person. It is a mental thing (mostly).
The awakened can see clearly that the relationship with another is, in fact a relationship with a story they hold about the other, and actually is very loosely based on the actual person.
This doesn't preclude friendships as preferences still exist and the organism certainly prefers feeling safe and warm.

...maybe to be continued.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Is 'Looking At' the same as 'Seeing' ?

When we 'look AT' we are looking at labels, we are therefore relating to a brain generated overlay, complete with opinions and judgements, and just as opinions and judgements are ABOUT something, so too is the overlay, but when we are SEEing we are experiencing what IS. Not about it, but  direct experiencing. This includes the perception that what is being SEEN is not an object 'out there' but a focussing on details of interaction that are indescribable.  Indescribable because to attempt to describe them is to ignore the nuance that is the depth of the multi sensorial experiencing. 
Can the Seen be seen without the See-er ? Is there a See-er without the Seen ? Where does the See-er and the Seen begin and end ?
To appreciate that See-er and Seen are actually an experiencing of SEEing, that there can be No separation, is to begin to grok this.
It may not be possible to avoid the 'looking At', as brain conditioning has already taken place and all of the ingredients for labeling are already there, But it is possible to be aware that this is happening and to give it the attention that it deserves (which is very little usually, though to communicate with another, it may be useful to have a 'shared' perception) The mind is obsessed with applying meaning to everything and part of doing this is to categorise and label everything that it touches.
The realization that thoughts have no inherent integrity (thoughts are always about, always conceptual and can only interfere with direct experiencing.) allows a relationship with reality that doesn't distort it. (reality is not actually an "it", nor can it be related to,  but language...)

When looking at it,
mind knows what it's seen before.
and sees it again.

When SEEing something,
it's always for the first time,
and it's Wonder-Full

Saturday, October 6, 2012

What is Love ?

Love is such a contaminated word these days, that it is almost better not to use it.

An open, willing acceptance of what IS, tinged with appreciation and a huge Wonder at the constant discovery that is occurring.
When this is focused on other people, a compassion emerges along with the realisation that they are actually a projection of 'me', and indeed are revealing something more about this organism..., provokes an almost painful emotion that can conveniently be labeled Love.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Seeker - hear this.

Seeker, all of your effort-ing has caused your body to hover about a meter above ground level. The more you struggle, the higher you go. The usual struggle to maintain an I, has most of the world just under a meter high.
There is NOTHING you can DO to float back to ground level.
It happens with the cessation of struggle.
Any belief (opinion, judgement) is an attempt to manipulate reality, and up you go...
There is nothing to 'get' here.
EVERYTHING you Seek, already IS, and ALWAYS has been.
Grounded is the default state.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Is surrender what happens when you do not do ?
Surrender doesn't mean 'giving up'.
Surrender means Letting Go !
Surrender means that the Only thing that can happen is to Witness, just Watch, Observe. No judgment, No Opinion, No Belief. Wordless Observing. Thoughtless Observing. Mindless Observing.
And in that, there is a SEEING.
Now let's not get too pure here.
Thoughts or Doing will still occur, you can't willfully turn them off, but you can recognise them for what they are. That is an attempt by mind to do what it is good at. Maintain the status quo, keep within the familiar.
This is where (you have heard it said) that everybody is already enlightened.
Whatever IS, is. Shit included.
It all just IS. Even when it's not, it IS.
Do you have a choice which thoughts arise ?
Do you have a choice about anything ?

mind mistaking mind for reality.

An object (a tree) is seen. Seeing occurs.
Light of various wavelengths enter the eye and this stimulates nerves which trigger the brain to see shape and color. At this point the brain consults a database of previous experiences and learned information to arrive with a label "tree".
It is at this point that mind enters the show.
It might say "just a tree, pleasant color and shape" and minds' physical component, emotion, kicks in and a good feeling happens.
At this point most people are 'seeing' what was in the database and not the actual tree.
This all happens automatically and takes nano seconds.
Can you imagine if we didn't consult the database ?
Everything would be seen as if for the first time and there would be an overwhelming flood of information that needed to be sorted. But the database has been filled with both useful as well as 'actuality distorting' information.
We just need to sort out the wheat from the chaff and allow the inappropriate to 'bleed' away.
The point i make here is that this process is mind seeing mind.
To think ABOUT what is occurring, to recognise, involves thought. But only original thought. First thought. This is how communication occurs. Labels are applied.
Importantly here, we need awareness, not to start relating to the label instead of the actual.
The minds I kicks in as soon as we have opinion or judgement and obviously we have to think to consider if that is occurring.
To say that an I is involved here maybe nothing more than a recognition of a familiar, habit form.
If you see the opinions that ring the alarm bells for I involvement, then identification is broken.
If unthinking wallowing in judgements happens, then I-dentification with an imaginary self exists.
Without identification with the illusory I, thoughts will continue to arise (Thoughts will never go away completely - maybe) The I will always be on call for when it is useful, but will always be seen as story.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


There is no such thing as Truth. It is as much an illusion as Self.
Check for yourself. Have you ever Experienced a thing called Truth ?
It is just language talking about some supposed characteristics of something.
You are not separated from the Truth (presuming Truth = Reality) Nor are you separate from "what is". Reality is, As IT IS.
As Reality consists entirely of your current experiencing, tell me, is it possible for there to be Experiencing without an Experiencer or an Experiencer without an Experiencing ?
Is it possible for there to be any separation between 'you' and 'your' experiencing ?

reality is only

Monday, September 10, 2012

Belief in the story of I

Some people say that the mind is I.
The reality is that the I is mind.
That is it is constructed of thought and is just a story, a concept.
This concept is powerful in that the emotional reactions to the story are very real and they imply that the cause (the story) is real too. NOT SO!
The mind won't immediately stop doing what it does, but the SEEing that it is doing mind stuff, is ALL it takes to break the identification with the belief in the story of I.

If I is the mind,
and mind is only some thoughts,
When thinking ceases ?

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

about freedom...

This comes from a blog by Ciaran Healy; http://ruthlesstruthdotcom.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/second-kind-of-freedom.html

Freedom. What is freedom?

Well, there's two different kinds. One, is freedom FROM something. The other is freedom TO DO something you couldn't do before.

Yeah? Positive and negative freedom. Everyone tends to think of negative freedom. Freedom as the removal or this tyranny, or that tyranny.

Negative freedom is freedom from something bad. The civil rights movement, for instance, is a case of people fighting for negative freedom. Freedom from discrimination, freedom from inequality. Freedom from.

That's not to say it's not important, it is. But there's also another kind of freedom.

Freedom to. Freedom TO. That's something different.

Freedom TO is the addition of an option you never had before. If you are suddenly granted a pair of wings, that's not freedom from not having wings. It's freedom TO. Freedom to fly.

You don't have to fly. You can just sort of sit there. But you can, if you want, spread your new wings and take off. If you want. You don't have to. You just have the option to. The freedom to.

Freedom to.

Enlightenment is classically seen - and we have seen it, including myself, from the start - as freedom FROM. We've been looking for the end of suffering, freedom from suffering.

The problem with freedom FROM is that unless something VERY intense happens, you'll never fully root out the thing you want freedom from.

Racism is a good example. Did the Civil Rights movement deliver freedom FROM racism? Well, it definitely reduced the tyranny of it, absolutely. But no, there's still racism.

What it did deliver is freedom TO. With the new laws passed against discrimination, and the groundswell of public support for their cause it meant that black people had a new option, they were free TO live in ways that had previously been blocked to them.

Freedom TO.

Does liberation + gate + void end deliver freedom FROM suffering?


Does it help?


Does it deliver any FREEDOM TO's?

I would argue that with this eternal stuff, yes. Yes it does. It is brilliantly delivering a very CLEAR freedom TO for me.

The freedom to be cool. The freedom to be chill. The freedom to be balanced. The freedom to focus. The freedom to be open. The freedom to empathise. The freedom to apologise. The freedom to live an emotionally balanced life.


Thursday, August 16, 2012

"I don't know how to SEE." said the Seeker.

SEEing is about Direct Experiencing.
That is about what happens before mind.
Before thoughts start their ranting about what just happened.
The thoughts take a milliSecond to arrive and if you are relaxed and ready you can take a snapshot of conditions which can then be inspected 'outside of time', so to speak.
Thoughts will still arise as a torrent, and like ads on the tv will endeavor to make you dissatisfied with what has just been observed and then offer you relief in the familiar.
Allow these thought (you can't stop them anyway), allow them, then as in judo, rather than try and stop them, you just deflect them, using their own momentum to take them off into infinity.
It's the moment before the thought torrent, that you intend to glimpse.
That glimpse will encompass so much detail that you may spend days inspecting it.
Practice it. (without judgement or opinions about how successful you might be)

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

enlightenment description

A quote from this blog that resonated here; restinginawareness.com
When awakening comes it is known, there is no more feeling of incompleteness or need for seeking. You can carry on learning and increasing in wisdom for the rest of your life, but you will know your true nature beyond doubt.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A rant for reality.

See the difference between IT, and About IT.
See the difference between a Thought, and the Content of that Thought.
If you See that there is a thought, and also See that the thought is About something.
That About, is a Story!
The Thought is Not. The Thought is an Experience.
Reacting to That Thought Experience, happens without judgement, without opinion, without belief. It happens without reacting to a Story and without building a New Story.
This is IT !!
Thoughts about This will happen.
You will See them and recognise them as part of a Story. You will simply ignore them as Just a Story ABOUT... and know that they mean about as much as the sound of the refrigerator.
That will be another Experience... well, no. Experience is a thing, and by now you are EXPERIENCING.
This is IT.
This IS..!
IT Always Has Been. You just didn't SEE it before.
This is Totally Choice-less.
This is Total Trust that What needs to Happen. Will Happen. (and it Does..)
Stop scratching the Seeking Itch. That will let the bite heal.
Then it won't itch any more, much..
Well it does, but you can See that it's refrigerator sound.
...but we get ahead of our 'selves' here.

Monday, July 9, 2012


Awareness is simply a label collating the diverse experience of various forms appearing via dependent origination, there is nothing singular, independent, unchanging, inherent. Nothing can be pinned down. Soh Wei Yu

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Labels and the damage they can do.

This is a copy and paste from; http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/labels.html
Don't just read it, DO the exercise. Amazement will occur.

When we are little children we learn to speak through labelling. At least this is how I remember.
Mum would ask - what is this?
I would say- this is a house
This is a car.
This is a window.
This is me.
Where is your nose?
Here is my nose, and I would touch it...

I have learned to label things and experiences and tested my limits and limits of my parents patience by throwing things, by saying no, by trying not to be conditioned. You know that little rebel age if you have kids.

So I learned the language and started using it, communicating with other people. One of most important words was me and mine: this is my toy, not my brother's.

No one has ever told me that 'me' is a word that is only useful in communication with others. Without others, there is no me, without I there is no them.

Somehow this belief in a me became stronger and took over, it became the central belief around which everything else was turning. It's like a belief, that earth is the centre of the universe, I became the centre of my world.

Until I looked. It really was just one look, it took a few seconds and all the search was over. The search for clarity, the quest of 'who am I?' was seen as cosmic joke.

There is no who.
There is nothing here in direct experience that is separate from experienced. Just this. Always now.

If you want to test this, simply do this little experiment that won't even take much of your time. All you need is 20 minutes, a pen & paper.

First write what you are experiencing right now using words I and me. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just plain description of here now.

Like this-
I am laying in bed. I am hearing the rain, I am typing these words..

Do it for 10 minutes. Watch the body, are there any sensations of tightening or relaxing?

Then for next 10 minutes write without words I and me. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs:
Waiting for next thought, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the rain.

Again watch what is happening in the body.

Now compare the two ways to label experience- is one truer than the other? If so, which one? What is here without labels? Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Your body knows. I is a label, not experiencer. Not a thinker, not a doer, not a hearer of rain. I is not what makes eyes blink and it is not a breather, it's a word, that is used for convenience of communication. If it's believed to be an entity, the mind is confused, the body is tensed up. Unconfusing it is simple- bring attention back to now and look once again- is there a me behind the word 'me'?

Life is happening. Looking is happening. Getting lost in the story is happening. With or without label I.

What is not on automatic?
And do we really need to be enslaved by labels? After all, experience is what labels point TO.

The story goes on. The belief in story drops away. The story is way much more enjoyable without the fear that something can happen to this 'me' once it's clearly seen that there is no actual me. Confidence, grace, fearlessness, peace with what is starts to shine through as fear gets loosened.

Imagine that! Humans got screwed by labels. And look at world of fashion- labels are so important!

So much emotional pain, such strong desire to get home, when home is all there is. Right here- underneath all the labels. Here, now waiting to be recognized.

Look. Don't think, just look.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

What is liberation/enligtenment ?

Right at this moment I would call it the event of the recognition of a perspective, which then takes time to be deeply integrated into the system. Forkfoot O'Flannigan

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The habit of self.

The habit of me,
conditioned by life so far.
Now seen as a lie.

The freedom to see,
the world as it is really,
now resides in here.

occurs with each emotion.
Each seeing weakens.

What is left now that
self is seen as delusion ?
Just what always was.

But the ride now has
become more wondrous.
Wonder-full it is.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

What dies at the point of death ?

In a conversation death came up.
One person asked what survives death, and there was consensus that the only answer to this could be "I don't know"
The next question was "Well, what dies at the point of death ?" and there was agreement that the body does (duh! obvious) but the idea that 'life force' or soul or whatever you want to call it 'leaves' the body at this point, which is a commonly held belief could only be supposition.
There is no doubt that 'something' is missing at the point of death, and on consideration that something was in fact a whole lot of things.
Movement and the unique activity of the person, the expressions, sound expressions, look expressions etc were absent, leaving an inanimate body. This could easily explain the absence of what was seen as the personality or the core essence of that person.
Somebody else then said that "They", meaning the I or Me that they were, that also went, to which i responded, "no, that never existed in the first place."
The idea, the concept that was held and believed to be a Me/I/They would stop as it was brain generated thought, and would stop when the brain/body stopped.
Next there is a story that i like that says the energy, the unseen, unmeasurable energy, maybe even consciousness, anyway something magical returns to be recycled. Nice story, i have no idea if it is right or not - doesn't matter, i'll just use it 'till a better one comes along. i'll never know, there'll be no i when it happens.

Scattering ashes,
with love in my heart for her.
She lives on in me.

Monday, April 23, 2012


Feeling/believing specialness was once what happened as a result of self approval, which was required because of believing that there was no approval from my father.
Whether it was true or not is irrelevant as the belief existed and the feeling of lack flowed from that.
It was just one chapter in the story of me.
According to my father I was "useless", "lazy", and I deserved the 'clip under the ear' when I didn't come up with the answer to the maths homework he was 'helping' me with.
Looking back, it was always when he was on night shift and he was tired and easily frustrated. He also had no ability to relate to us kids except as an authority figure.
So, how was I special?
It evolved. To start with, what I was good at was reading. I read constantly, averaging a book a day.
It was pure escapism, but it gave me a broad vocabulary and the belief that I was knowledgeable.
This belief evolved into Spirituality in my early 20's.
I tried Christianity (I spent 2 years trying to be a Bahá'í ) but it wasn't special enough.
Next came psychology, particularly the 'new age' versions. This lead to feeling knowledgeable again.
The psychology was an attempt to 'fix' my deficiencies and the crossover into spirituality led to yoga which led to meditation. Always superior to the world full of 'plebs' and 'yobos'.
Guess what realization occurred concurrently with awakening ?

If there is an I,
specialness is implicit.
Now, we are all one.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Fright + thought = Fear

Out of fright comes fear.
What is the difference ?
Fright is physical and happens first.
Fear is fright plus thought.
Fear is a concept.
Fear generates chronic fright (and dis-ease)

i have a feeling.
What might it be, thinking says.
Bogeyman of course!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Ha !, caught a belief last night.

Having just read in the Dalai Llamas' autobiography how the Chinese invasion of Tibet was for their mineral rich mountains which has left the rivers that supply China, Burma, India etc, are all now polluted and the Chinese settlement has removed more than half the forest and killed for the newly arrived meat eaters almost all of the wildlife, Then i saw a FaceBook post by a friend of American fundamental christians saying that atheists should be killed.
Well, my indignation went berserk!
Then it was SEEN.
Phew, it's a big one. i wonder how much it will come back now it is seen.
There is a big - no HUGE energy behind this.
How bad are they ? How good am I ?

Then i read a FB post (by Delma Thassa) this morning on the same issue. Is That Synchronicity ?
She said it well;
"Nothing will change because there will always be the poles that Alan Watts talks about. They're inherent. There's no fixing it, no getting rid of them, just seeing them for what they are."

Whether right or wrong,
it's the same wheel that's spinning.
Wonder-Full watching.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Thursday, March 29, 2012

i almost forgot about this blog...

Have had no inclination to post to this blog for the last 3 weeks.
Still don't really...
, but seeing as how i am here...
Life-ing is good, very full, so much to do - to do at a pace that each activity suggests.
Is deepening happening ? i don't know. It doesn't seem to matter if a concept (deepening) crosses over into experience.
i am playing better golf.

This Now, the feeling is good.
What more can i say ?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

This is IT

No matter what i feel like - This is IT!
No matter what i want to feel like - This is IT!
No matter what i think - This is IT!
No matter what has happened in the past - This is IT!
No matter anything - This is IT!
This most certainly will change, but for Now - This is IT!
The full and complete acceptance that This is IT, is what will contribute to How it will change.
Without resistance to what IS and what it might change To, the Extra overlay of worry or anticipation won't exist. Without that Now has best chance to revert to a natural or default state of happiness and joy. Of course, it this has only just started then habit (brain conditioning) needs to run it's course, but simple awareness will erode that.

i think "This is IT"
Then i live "This is IT"
Then This is IT - IS.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

valentines day haiku

Saying i love you,
expressing an outpouring,
an overflowing.

investigating beliefs is powerful...

Beliefs are a great way to deepen.
Start with a belief, any belief, and follow it down.
Let's see, what do i believe ?
Hmm, i believe that night will happen in about 4 hours from now.
Ha, first question Clangs into mind;
WHO believes ?
Immediately retorts; There is no-one to believe. That the belief exists in a story. i use that story when evening is approaching and in other organisational processes, probably every day.
Is there any identification with this story ?
No, haven't seen any evidence of it yet.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

That anger outburst...

Thoughts that the anger outburst mentioned in the last post may just be a portal to deepening.
How to access it was the question.
Listing any beliefs held, starting with beliefs that may have been behind whatever i was doing when expressing the anger.
Wife accused me of being greedy.
I responded with anger, shouting back "NO, YOU ARE WRONG."
So obviously there is a belief that i am not greedy. That's 1.
2. Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way. An I !
3. This implies that for there to be an I, then i am not through the gate.
4. This means that at best, i only ever had an intellectual understanding of it.
5. Does that mean that the I that i intellectually understand is not there, doesn't exist, is still really believed in by the me that i intellectually understand doesn't exist ?
Well, look where that lead me;
The non existant I is a fraud.
The non existant I is pretending to be a non existant I but really is still identified with that non existant I.
What is this non existant I to do?
The non existant I that has no choice anyway. That never actually controlled anything, what is it to do knowing that it can't do anything anyway ?
How can it stop being a fraud and really, really SEE that the non existant I can't possibly identify with a non existant I because it never existed in the first place ?

The Replies.

Re: That anger outburst...

Post by Elizabeth » February 12th, 2012, 12:27 am
Well, once you start a nice self-reflective loop like that :-) you may be hooked for a while. It's also a you wanting things done on it's own timetable (which does not exist) so that if it does not happen the way a you wants it to, the I exists, Yay! Because the nothing is not conforming! Proof! 
Or not. 
It's another layer of illusion. Look and see. Just another opportunity, and lucky you, a very juicy one. Excellent chance to deepen! 
Honestly, I don't know if am on target with this, Vince, the loop is very clear from here but I'll bet you get great comments so we will both be interested.

Re: That anger outburst...

Post by nonaparry » February 12th, 2012, 6:44 am
What i see here is a Story about an experience: "Wife spoke; i upset myself and spoke. Then i thought."

So obviously there is a belief that i am not greedy.

Actually, this is false; the belief that produced the anger was not that you are not-greedy; it's the belief that yes, she's right, you aregreedy, but somehow that's bad.

i am most fortunate in having The Work to use in situations like this one. if you 'accuse' me of x, i can find where i am x!!! i know i am greedy — so it's easy to see that greediness just happens, and we all partake of it in unique ways. Finding honest examples of where i have indeed acted as 'accused', allows me to meet the label with compassion instead of anger. And please notice that the statement "you are greedy" only becomes an accusation because you say so! 

One way of deconstructing the feelings is to ask yourself, "Wife says i'm greedy, and that means that..." This can bring up a list of fears, each of which can be inquired into through The Work. i find The Work completely compatible with LU, which makes sense as Katie is Awake.

Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way.

Oh Really? To be cold or not cold implies a person to be it? i give a physical example because i think it's the easiest way to debunk that falsity.
But really, Emotions clearly don't require an "I" in order to be felt! The feeling arises; it is just there. Only when you choose to identify with it does it become "special" or "you".

Re: That anger outburst...

Post by Ingen » February 12th, 2012, 2:41 am
Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way. An I !

It doesn't imply that at all. It just implies that you temporarily believe(d) some stories playing out between you and your wife, containing greedy and non-greedy self-images.

Re: That anger outburst...

Post by Chronophonix » February 12th, 2012, 12:35 am
Hi vince

May be this can help you, may be not, so I send it to you anyway. It's from one of my last message to Carrol.

You say you don't feel the no-separation, the consciousness connection, so, do you feel separation ? Is the other really one "other", separated from you ? The criteria is simple : the "other" is first a thought, then an emotion; the "other" can hurt you, dislike you, embarass you, scare you, when the "other" is here, you can feel akward, worried, insecure, you can be scared, annoyed, angry, and so on. Have you still such emotions ?
Do you still need to be somebody for anyone else ? To be special ? To be recognized ? Is it important for you to feel worthy to others ? If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, it's your "I" which is concerned. Only a "I" can feel the separation.

I think we are OK about the fact that if there is no "I", there can't be "other", and so, there can't be any separation feeling. So, by hunting all emotions which proves you the existence of the "other", you can deduce if really there is no "I" and then look more acutely to this.

Swami Prajnanpad used to say to his disciple who thought to be more liberated than they really were :
«Bring Swâmiji the wife(or husband)'s certificate»


Re: That anger outburst...

Post by Anki » February 12th, 2012, 9:25 am
Hi Vince... here's my penny's worth. The feedbacks:

Self-perpetuating loop from Elizabeth. Yes. So confusing.

Wife's (other's) certificate: Chronophonix. Oh yeah. There are 7 billion of 'us', each a mirror.

Temporarily believing some stories playing out: Ingen. Yup. Storyland.

Only when identifying with them do feelings/thoughts become 'special' (real): Nona. Yessir, everybody's baby, this one.

I like synopses, obviously. Here's my other contribution: When I find the core (which differs for everyone) I am at the root. That's where dissolving happens, which then reveals the truth awaiting.

These lovely feedbacks point to the core. When we recognize, usually via feelings,that we are going round and round, we can look further into the mirror of the external. This helps us realize that we have projected outwardly our very own 'story about' and then identified with it, i.e., temporarily believed that the story and the outward reflection are REAL things and oh so important! Then back to round and round we go.

Unless we look for core. That happens when we probe below the surface for the foundational beliefs beneath the more obvious ones. Eventually those core ideas dissolve (they can't endure the light of clarity), leaving the surface ever more smooth and undisturbed. Shining of clarity light, in my experience, sometimes has to happen numerous times. In the end, it does it. Dissolution of unconscious belief.

Seeing folly (our own), we yearn for Reality. Life's auto Zen stick. Lucky us!

I've spotted and vetted a lot of crap this way. I believed every smelly bit of it. And then I didn't.

Hope this is helpful.

Much love to my guide,

Re: That anger outburst...

Post by Anki » February 12th, 2012, 9:37 am
Also... going through the gate, absolute recognition of no I, CANNOT be erased. It happens, it's real. We re-identify with something not real, thoughts, etc. That causes us to temporarily set aside what non-identification proved: No self, no going back. Period.

Yes, I am a dictator on this.