Tuesday, October 25, 2011

uncorking some dribble...

i don't know what i am going to say (type). i'll just let it ooze out or erupt out or however it wants to out.
What might ooze out is some boredom that this stuff is always about me.
What might erupt out is "why the bloody hell is my skin (some of it) so itchy and ready to slough off ?!*
What i see when i ask this question is puzzlement.
Currently this 'dermatitis' is mainly on my hands, on the ball at the base of the thumbs and up and around the inside of the thumbs and some at the ball of the index finger on the right hand  and at the inside of the top joint of the little finger on the left hand.
The striking thing is the big ones at the base of the thumbs are a mirror of the one on the other hand. When i had it on my feet, it also mirrored in the position on each foot. i have a little on the inside of each elbow trying to erupt.
i don't understand the significance of the mirroring.
i do believe that it is trying to tell me something but as i am so thick it has no option but to express itself physically.
i used to believe that as skin was the outer casing of the physical body that it was here that the interaction between me and the rest of the world took place. Metaphorically that represents relationships. Relationships between me and significant others and relationships with everybody else.
With my seeking, (yes, i admit it. yes, i understand that seeking won't achieve success - i'm helpless. It's the only meta-interest i have), i hope to resolve the ultimate relationship conundrum, where (as reported by awakened ones) there will be no separate identity called me to have a relationship and there will be experience of the interconnectedness of everything and everyone.
i.e. metaphorical skin won't be necessary. There will be no boundary as purportedly there isn't one now. i just imagine that there is one and behave/perceive as it there is one.
Another technique i employ is to use organ language. It goes like this; What sayings that have meaning for me involve any restrictions i experience from the condition. e.g. "I can't come to grips with this." or "i can't get a grip on this" or "it is difficult to handle ..." or "it's hard to give the thumbs up on this" or "twiddling my thumbs is uncomfortable" or "thumbs down hurts" or "difficult to grab the moment of opportunity as it flashes by" or ...
i then review the list of sayings i came up with.
The order that i thought of them is significant.
Some don't 'ring any bells' while some shout out to me their rightness.
The first three are variations of the same thing, difficult in coping with something.
The next spoke of approval and the next of the bad feeling from time wasting.
The next was approval again. Here it started getting difficult thinking of more sayings.
The last one is a saying i heard many years ago which resonated with me.
Then review the review. The first three all saying the same thing - very significant. i will investigate what might i be having trouble coping with. Nothing in particular jumps out at me, but then it is obviously something i don't want to face or it wouldn't need to manifest physically in such a shitty way.
i will go to sleep asking myself this question. "What would be the consequences of facing something that i'm not coping with ?"
see you tomorrow...