In a conversation death came up.
One person asked what survives death, and there was consensus that the only answer to this could be "I don't know"
The next question was "Well, what dies at the point of death ?" and there was agreement that the body does (duh! obvious) but the idea that 'life force' or soul or whatever you want to call it 'leaves' the body at this point, which is a commonly held belief could only be supposition.
There is no doubt that 'something' is missing at the point of death, and on consideration that something was in fact a whole lot of things.
Movement and the unique activity of the person, the expressions, sound expressions, look expressions etc were absent, leaving an inanimate body. This could easily explain the absence of what was seen as the personality or the core essence of that person.
Somebody else then said that "They", meaning the I or Me that they were, that also went, to which i responded, "no, that never existed in the first place."
The idea, the concept that was held and believed to be a Me/I/They would stop as it was brain generated thought, and would stop when the brain/body stopped.
Next there is a story that i like that says the energy, the unseen, unmeasurable energy, maybe even consciousness, anyway something magical returns to be recycled. Nice story, i have no idea if it is right or not - doesn't matter, i'll just use it 'till a better one comes along. i'll never know, there'll be no i when it happens.
Scattering ashes,
with love in my heart for her.
She lives on in me.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Special-ness
Feeling/believing specialness was once what happened as a result of self approval, which was required because of believing that there was no approval from my father.
Whether it was true or not is irrelevant as the belief existed and the feeling of lack flowed from that.
It was just one chapter in the story of me.
According to my father I was "useless", "lazy", and I deserved the 'clip under the ear' when I didn't come up with the answer to the maths homework he was 'helping' me with.
Looking back, it was always when he was on night shift and he was tired and easily frustrated. He also had no ability to relate to us kids except as an authority figure.
So, how was I special?
It evolved. To start with, what I was good at was reading. I read constantly, averaging a book a day.
It was pure escapism, but it gave me a broad vocabulary and the belief that I was knowledgeable.
This belief evolved into Spirituality in my early 20's.
I tried Christianity (I spent 2 years trying to be a Bahá'í ) but it wasn't special enough.
Next came psychology, particularly the 'new age' versions. This lead to feeling knowledgeable again.
The psychology was an attempt to 'fix' my deficiencies and the crossover into spirituality led to yoga which led to meditation. Always superior to the world full of 'plebs' and 'yobos'.
Guess what realization occurred concurrently with awakening ?
If there is an I,
specialness is implicit.
Now, we are all one.
Whether it was true or not is irrelevant as the belief existed and the feeling of lack flowed from that.
It was just one chapter in the story of me.
According to my father I was "useless", "lazy", and I deserved the 'clip under the ear' when I didn't come up with the answer to the maths homework he was 'helping' me with.
Looking back, it was always when he was on night shift and he was tired and easily frustrated. He also had no ability to relate to us kids except as an authority figure.
So, how was I special?
It evolved. To start with, what I was good at was reading. I read constantly, averaging a book a day.
It was pure escapism, but it gave me a broad vocabulary and the belief that I was knowledgeable.
This belief evolved into Spirituality in my early 20's.
I tried Christianity (I spent 2 years trying to be a Bahá'í ) but it wasn't special enough.
Next came psychology, particularly the 'new age' versions. This lead to feeling knowledgeable again.
The psychology was an attempt to 'fix' my deficiencies and the crossover into spirituality led to yoga which led to meditation. Always superior to the world full of 'plebs' and 'yobos'.
Guess what realization occurred concurrently with awakening ?
If there is an I,
specialness is implicit.
Now, we are all one.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Fright + thought = Fear
Out of fright comes fear.
What is the difference ?
Fright is physical and happens first.
Fear is fright plus thought.
Fear is a concept.
Fear generates chronic fright (and dis-ease)
i have a feeling.
What might it be, thinking says.
Bogeyman of course!
What is the difference ?
Fright is physical and happens first.
Fear is fright plus thought.
Fear is a concept.
Fear generates chronic fright (and dis-ease)
i have a feeling.
What might it be, thinking says.
Bogeyman of course!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Ha !, caught a belief last night.
Having just read in the Dalai Llamas' autobiography how the Chinese invasion of Tibet was for their mineral rich mountains which has left the rivers that supply China, Burma, India etc, are all now polluted and the Chinese settlement has removed more than half the forest and killed for the newly arrived meat eaters almost all of the wildlife, Then i saw a FaceBook post by a friend of American fundamental christians saying that atheists should be killed.
Well, my indignation went berserk!
Then it was SEEN.
Phew, it's a big one. i wonder how much it will come back now it is seen.
There is a big - no HUGE energy behind this.
How bad are they ? How good am I ?
Then i read a FB post (by Delma Thassa) this morning on the same issue. Is That Synchronicity ?
She said it well;
"Nothing will change because there will always be the poles that Alan Watts talks about. They're inherent. There's no fixing it, no getting rid of them, just seeing them for what they are."
Whether right or wrong,
it's the same wheel that's spinning.
Wonder-Full watching.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
i almost forgot about this blog...
Have had no inclination to post to this blog for the last 3 weeks.
Still don't really...
, but seeing as how i am here...
Life-ing is good, very full, so much to do - to do at a pace that each activity suggests.
Is deepening happening ? i don't know. It doesn't seem to matter if a concept (deepening) crosses over into experience.
i am playing better golf.
Experiencing
This Now, the feeling is good.
What more can i say ?
Still don't really...
, but seeing as how i am here...
Life-ing is good, very full, so much to do - to do at a pace that each activity suggests.
Is deepening happening ? i don't know. It doesn't seem to matter if a concept (deepening) crosses over into experience.
i am playing better golf.
Experiencing
This Now, the feeling is good.
What more can i say ?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
This is IT
No matter what i feel like - This is IT!
No matter what i want to feel like - This is IT!
No matter what i think - This is IT!
No matter what has happened in the past - This is IT!
No matter anything - This is IT!
This most certainly will change, but for Now - This is IT!
The full and complete acceptance that This is IT, is what will contribute to How it will change.
Without resistance to what IS and what it might change To, the Extra overlay of worry or anticipation won't exist. Without that Now has best chance to revert to a natural or default state of happiness and joy. Of course, it this has only just started then habit (brain conditioning) needs to run it's course, but simple awareness will erode that.
i think "This is IT"
Then i live "This is IT"
Then This is IT - IS.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
investigating beliefs is powerful...
Beliefs are a great way to deepen.
Start with a belief, any belief, and follow it down.
Let's see, what do i believe ?
Hmm, i believe that night will happen in about 4 hours from now.
Ha, first question Clangs into mind;
WHO believes ?
Immediately retorts; There is no-one to believe. That the belief exists in a story. i use that story when evening is approaching and in other organisational processes, probably every day.
Is there any identification with this story ?
No, haven't seen any evidence of it yet.
Start with a belief, any belief, and follow it down.
Let's see, what do i believe ?
Hmm, i believe that night will happen in about 4 hours from now.
Ha, first question Clangs into mind;
WHO believes ?
Immediately retorts; There is no-one to believe. That the belief exists in a story. i use that story when evening is approaching and in other organisational processes, probably every day.
Is there any identification with this story ?
No, haven't seen any evidence of it yet.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
That anger outburst...
Thoughts that the anger outburst mentioned in the last post may just be a portal to deepening.
How to access it was the question.
Listing any beliefs held, starting with beliefs that may have been behind whatever i was doing when expressing the anger.
Wife accused me of being greedy.
I responded with anger, shouting back "NO, YOU ARE WRONG."
So obviously there is a belief that i am not greedy. That's 1.
2. Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way. An I !
3. This implies that for there to be an I, then i am not through the gate.
4. This means that at best, i only ever had an intellectual understanding of it.
5. Does that mean that the I that i intellectually understand is not there, doesn't exist, is still really believed in by the me that i intellectually understand doesn't exist ?
Well, look where that lead me;
The non existant I is a fraud.
The non existant I is pretending to be a non existant I but really is still identified with that non existant I.
Bugger!
What is this non existant I to do?
The non existant I that has no choice anyway. That never actually controlled anything, what is it to do knowing that it can't do anything anyway ?
How can it stop being a fraud and really, really SEE that the non existant I can't possibly identify with a non existant I because it never existed in the first place ?
The Replies.
by Elizabeth » February 12th, 2012, 12:27 am
by Ingen » February 12th, 2012, 2:41 am
How to access it was the question.
Listing any beliefs held, starting with beliefs that may have been behind whatever i was doing when expressing the anger.
Wife accused me of being greedy.
I responded with anger, shouting back "NO, YOU ARE WRONG."
So obviously there is a belief that i am not greedy. That's 1.
2. Equally obvious is that to be greedy or not greedy, there has to be someone to be that way. An I !
3. This implies that for there to be an I, then i am not through the gate.
4. This means that at best, i only ever had an intellectual understanding of it.
5. Does that mean that the I that i intellectually understand is not there, doesn't exist, is still really believed in by the me that i intellectually understand doesn't exist ?
Well, look where that lead me;
The non existant I is a fraud.
The non existant I is pretending to be a non existant I but really is still identified with that non existant I.
Bugger!
What is this non existant I to do?
The non existant I that has no choice anyway. That never actually controlled anything, what is it to do knowing that it can't do anything anyway ?
How can it stop being a fraud and really, really SEE that the non existant I can't possibly identify with a non existant I because it never existed in the first place ?
The Replies.
Re: That anger outburst...
by Elizabeth » February 12th, 2012, 12:27 am
Re: That anger outburst...
by nonaparry » February 12th, 2012, 6:44 am
Re: That anger outburst...
by nonaparry » February 12th, 2012, 6:44 amRe: That anger outburst...
by Ingen » February 12th, 2012, 2:41 amSaturday, February 11, 2012
Ha!, i responded to a button...
My wife accused me of something,
and i responded with anger,
and immediately saw it happen.
i was defending an image held of me. Ha!
and i responded with anger,
and immediately saw it happen.
i was defending an image held of me. Ha!
There seems to have taken place...
There seems to have taken place
some kind of change,
a simplification
of Life-ing.
The need to express
with words has diminished,
or perhaps the need for any expression
has withdrawn a considerable amount.
As i read the postings at Liberation Unleashed
i keep wanting to shout out "IT IS JUST WHAT IT IS"
and "IT CAN'T BE CHANGED ANYWAY SO THERE MIGHT AS WELL BE ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE OF IT." and "IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE THEN WHAT YOU'VE GOT IS FUCKING WONDER-FULL"
and stuff like that.
It IS what it is,
this wonder-full world of ours.
This world full of Wonder.
some kind of change,
a simplification
of Life-ing.
The need to express
with words has diminished,
or perhaps the need for any expression
has withdrawn a considerable amount.
As i read the postings at Liberation Unleashed
i keep wanting to shout out "IT IS JUST WHAT IT IS"
and "IT CAN'T BE CHANGED ANYWAY SO THERE MIGHT AS WELL BE ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE OF IT." and "IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE THEN WHAT YOU'VE GOT IS FUCKING WONDER-FULL"
and stuff like that.
It IS what it is,
this wonder-full world of ours.
This world full of Wonder.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The day after the funeral...
Lots of emotion yesterday left me feeling light with difficulty concentrating.
Well not actually concentrating but felt that words (spoken and written) were a waste, unnecessary.
It was like i couldn't be bothered to work out what others meant.
Part of me said that there was no point in working it out anyway as it was excess to life.
There is some of this still today.
i really don't have anything to say to the people around me and Facebook seems full of unnecessary natter.
Well not actually concentrating but felt that words (spoken and written) were a waste, unnecessary.
It was like i couldn't be bothered to work out what others meant.
Part of me said that there was no point in working it out anyway as it was excess to life.
There is some of this still today.
i really don't have anything to say to the people around me and Facebook seems full of unnecessary natter.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
She died today at 3:30pm
She died today at 3:30pm
looking at what was so obviously an empty shell,
it's hard not to construct a story of consciousness leaving the body.
Certainly consciousness was absent, but the how and why of it is in the realm of the unknown.
i only ever knew her through the lens of my own perception but i was always left with sense of enrichment from being with her.
This effect was reported by many who come into the sphere of her direct experience.
She was stoic.
She was stubborn.
She was a firebug.
Family and friends were everything to her.
to be continued...
looking at what was so obviously an empty shell,
it's hard not to construct a story of consciousness leaving the body.
Certainly consciousness was absent, but the how and why of it is in the realm of the unknown.
i only ever knew her through the lens of my own perception but i was always left with sense of enrichment from being with her.
This effect was reported by many who come into the sphere of her direct experience.
She was stoic.
She was stubborn.
She was a firebug.
Family and friends were everything to her.
to be continued...
Friday, February 3, 2012
story telling...
Story telling is pleasurable entertainment.
Here is some pleasurable entertainment.
There was once in a land far, far away,
a small person who was born with a defect.
Yes it's a sad story.
This small person was born without a personality.
In this land far, far away it is a widespread disease.
In fact every small person was born with it.
Every different parish in this land far, far away, knew how to Cure it.
It was amazing that there were hundreds of different languages and hundreds of different cultures and they each did a different version of the Cure and almost every one was cured.
Those poor souls who couldn't be cured were looked after very well.
There were institutions dedicated to caring for them.
...anyway, back to the Cure
It was learned very early in the history of this land far, far away that the best way to carry out the Cure was to give the job to parents.
Parents were trained by their parents who were trained by their parents and so on.
Nobody knows who trained the first parents.
There are stories, of course.
Some say it all started in a garden while others say it was a swamp.
Anyway it doesn't really matter where it all started.
It just matters that if every parent does their job properly then every small person will be cured.
Just as in training wild animals, a system of reward and punishment was found to be effective, although
it is thought that the reason that the state has to build more and more institutions to take care of the incurable is because parents don't have proper training.
Most blame the rule makers for this, but they in turn say that harsher punishment will correct the situation.
...anyway, back to the Cure
Whether it was discovered by some smart parent in the distant past or whether it was a slow evolution is a point the academics still argue today in the Learning Centres, but somehow parents came to know that if they described to the small people repeatedly the details of a personality that they wanted them to have that they would be Cured and develop a personality.
The usual outcome was that the small people rarely developed a personality like the parents had described but instead developed a mutated version of it.
Parents were still pleased regardless, as any personality meant that the small person wouldn't be taken away to one of the institutions for the incurable. (They tell me that conditions there are horrible.)
They usually start with a mantra of "Oh, your so cute" in a kind of syrupy sing-song voice of approval.
Of course when the small person starts to do something that is not approved of the response is a bark of frightening intensity designed to shock the small person in such a way that they won't repeat whatever it is that they did.
As growing occurs the mantra changes to something like "your a naughty boy" predominately as 'good' behaviour often elicits silence.
This is a particular potent mantra as it programmes the brain at several levels.
Firstly the 'your' word tells the small person that they have a separate identity. They soon learn that 'your' is the same as I/Me/MyName.
'a' reinforces the separateness. 'a' thing.
'naughty' while originally described behaviour gets taken as a characteristic of the small person. So it's not a small person behaving naughtily but a small person Who IS Naughty.
'boy' defines a gender identification. 'boy' has inherent in it all attitudes and behaviours that are masculine.
This mantra repeated several times a day is very powerful.
There are many variation of this mantra and even those that are not used directly.
A small person called Johnny over hears his mother saying "Johnny is not very good at reading" will very quickly adopt that as a characteristic of his developing personality.
Some parents adopt the attitude of the Rule Makers and believe that if they apply discipline that Johnny will get good at reading.
The end result is that most young adults have a fully formed personality and could easily fill a page with likes and dislikes and typical behaviour that define their Selves.'
Although the personality is developing and evolving from before birth to the very end, each person tends to see their Selves as something permanent and unchanging. At any point in their lives they will say that it is the same I that has always been there.
This is the absolute recognition that the Cure has been completely successful.
In a land far, far away there is in every cult(ure) a small group of outcasts.
They are not the incurable, though often they become that way, they are those who are so affected by the side effects of the Cure that they are obsessed with finding a different cure or with finding a way to lessen the side affects of the Cure.
They are usually referred to a 'the Seekers'. Always seeking a way to do it better.
They can have some strange ideas about life and how it could be.
They often refer to the few individuals in books that down through history had found a way to negate the side affects.
The Seekers had their own Rule Makers, usually somebody long dead who had followers who had followers and it was their followers who made a book telling it like they thought the original Rule Maker had said it.
He was usually a man from an entirely different cult(ure) and rumor had it that he might have had magical powers.
In spite of their differences most of these fringe dwellers had in the mythology of their particular cult(ure) a version of the Cure that had only beneficial side affects.
There were stories of perpetual bliss and the ablility to manifest whatever was wanted.
...anyway regardless of the promises, the cure to the side effects of the Cure was said to be attainable through following any one of a multitude of different paths.
Most paths, of course, maintained that they own the copy-write for the Only path that actually gets you there.
As somebody who was cured of the side affects once might have said;
"All of these paths, or most of them, occasionally touch the truth.
They were often based of a truth, but like the chinese whisper game (where a message is transferred verbally down a line of people) a few steps away from the original message, things start to mutate seriously.
Now they offer the same ego masturbation that belonging to a club for support of a football team does.
They are mostly bullshit !
But you know, bullshit is useful.
What are you when all of the layers of bullshit are peeled away ? "
...anyway back to the cure for the side affects of the Cure.
There are those among us that other people think have something special.
They seem not caught up in the trivial dramas that are usual for most people. They don't usually offer opinions or pronounce judgements about the good or the bad of something or somebody.
Some of them have said that the cure to the side affects of the Cure is actually very simple. That it's not learning something but rather Unlearning something.
They showed that there's nothing wrong with the Cure itself, but rather that the side affects are actually from a false belief that we are dependant on the Cure for continued survival. Indeed, that the Cure was actually a part of who we are.
The importance placed on maintenance of the Cure meant that our whole life was hinged on the upkeep of our Personality.
We not only constantly groomed it but would go as far as to commit murder if somebody insulted it.
Almost every thought sentence is started with I or My.
The Belief that you are your personality, the main character in the story of you is the total cause of the side affects of the Cure.
to be continued...
Here is some pleasurable entertainment.
There was once in a land far, far away,
a small person who was born with a defect.
Yes it's a sad story.
This small person was born without a personality.
In this land far, far away it is a widespread disease.
In fact every small person was born with it.
Every different parish in this land far, far away, knew how to Cure it.
It was amazing that there were hundreds of different languages and hundreds of different cultures and they each did a different version of the Cure and almost every one was cured.
Those poor souls who couldn't be cured were looked after very well.
There were institutions dedicated to caring for them.
...anyway, back to the Cure
It was learned very early in the history of this land far, far away that the best way to carry out the Cure was to give the job to parents.
Parents were trained by their parents who were trained by their parents and so on.
Nobody knows who trained the first parents.
There are stories, of course.
Some say it all started in a garden while others say it was a swamp.
Anyway it doesn't really matter where it all started.
It just matters that if every parent does their job properly then every small person will be cured.
Just as in training wild animals, a system of reward and punishment was found to be effective, although
it is thought that the reason that the state has to build more and more institutions to take care of the incurable is because parents don't have proper training.
Most blame the rule makers for this, but they in turn say that harsher punishment will correct the situation.
...anyway, back to the Cure
Whether it was discovered by some smart parent in the distant past or whether it was a slow evolution is a point the academics still argue today in the Learning Centres, but somehow parents came to know that if they described to the small people repeatedly the details of a personality that they wanted them to have that they would be Cured and develop a personality.
The usual outcome was that the small people rarely developed a personality like the parents had described but instead developed a mutated version of it.
Parents were still pleased regardless, as any personality meant that the small person wouldn't be taken away to one of the institutions for the incurable. (They tell me that conditions there are horrible.)
They usually start with a mantra of "Oh, your so cute" in a kind of syrupy sing-song voice of approval.
Of course when the small person starts to do something that is not approved of the response is a bark of frightening intensity designed to shock the small person in such a way that they won't repeat whatever it is that they did.
As growing occurs the mantra changes to something like "your a naughty boy" predominately as 'good' behaviour often elicits silence.
This is a particular potent mantra as it programmes the brain at several levels.
Firstly the 'your' word tells the small person that they have a separate identity. They soon learn that 'your' is the same as I/Me/MyName.
'a' reinforces the separateness. 'a' thing.
'naughty' while originally described behaviour gets taken as a characteristic of the small person. So it's not a small person behaving naughtily but a small person Who IS Naughty.
'boy' defines a gender identification. 'boy' has inherent in it all attitudes and behaviours that are masculine.
This mantra repeated several times a day is very powerful.
There are many variation of this mantra and even those that are not used directly.
A small person called Johnny over hears his mother saying "Johnny is not very good at reading" will very quickly adopt that as a characteristic of his developing personality.
Some parents adopt the attitude of the Rule Makers and believe that if they apply discipline that Johnny will get good at reading.
The end result is that most young adults have a fully formed personality and could easily fill a page with likes and dislikes and typical behaviour that define their Selves.'
Although the personality is developing and evolving from before birth to the very end, each person tends to see their Selves as something permanent and unchanging. At any point in their lives they will say that it is the same I that has always been there.
This is the absolute recognition that the Cure has been completely successful.
In a land far, far away there is in every cult(ure) a small group of outcasts.
They are not the incurable, though often they become that way, they are those who are so affected by the side effects of the Cure that they are obsessed with finding a different cure or with finding a way to lessen the side affects of the Cure.
They are usually referred to a 'the Seekers'. Always seeking a way to do it better.
They can have some strange ideas about life and how it could be.
They often refer to the few individuals in books that down through history had found a way to negate the side affects.
The Seekers had their own Rule Makers, usually somebody long dead who had followers who had followers and it was their followers who made a book telling it like they thought the original Rule Maker had said it.
He was usually a man from an entirely different cult(ure) and rumor had it that he might have had magical powers.
In spite of their differences most of these fringe dwellers had in the mythology of their particular cult(ure) a version of the Cure that had only beneficial side affects.
There were stories of perpetual bliss and the ablility to manifest whatever was wanted.
...anyway regardless of the promises, the cure to the side effects of the Cure was said to be attainable through following any one of a multitude of different paths.
Most paths, of course, maintained that they own the copy-write for the Only path that actually gets you there.
As somebody who was cured of the side affects once might have said;
"All of these paths, or most of them, occasionally touch the truth.
They were often based of a truth, but like the chinese whisper game (where a message is transferred verbally down a line of people) a few steps away from the original message, things start to mutate seriously.
Now they offer the same ego masturbation that belonging to a club for support of a football team does.
They are mostly bullshit !
But you know, bullshit is useful.
What are you when all of the layers of bullshit are peeled away ? "
...anyway back to the cure for the side affects of the Cure.
There are those among us that other people think have something special.
They seem not caught up in the trivial dramas that are usual for most people. They don't usually offer opinions or pronounce judgements about the good or the bad of something or somebody.
Some of them have said that the cure to the side affects of the Cure is actually very simple. That it's not learning something but rather Unlearning something.
They showed that there's nothing wrong with the Cure itself, but rather that the side affects are actually from a false belief that we are dependant on the Cure for continued survival. Indeed, that the Cure was actually a part of who we are.
The importance placed on maintenance of the Cure meant that our whole life was hinged on the upkeep of our Personality.
We not only constantly groomed it but would go as far as to commit murder if somebody insulted it.
Almost every thought sentence is started with I or My.
The Belief that you are your personality, the main character in the story of you is the total cause of the side affects of the Cure.
to be continued...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
emotions are like...
Some caring was expressed on the LiberationUnleashed liberated group today (just a few minutes ago) and i teared up.
Just witnessing caring, sharing evoked an instant surge of emotion and a resulting welling up of tears.
Not a sob. No wrenching. Just an overflow of beautiful, sensation.
Just writing about it now, triggers it again, although not as strong.
Is it that the Grief juice of the past couple of days (or is it more?) has primed this organism?
i checked and it started on Jan 26th Ha! Australia Day. It started as i got into the car to drive to Melbourne. post - on-way-to-melbourne
But these tears have nothing to do with Grief.
The wounded animal plea from that poor Doubt Sufferer evoked Compassion, which evoked, in turn, tears.
Are these tears different to yesterdays tears of a Grief overflow?
That one came out as an eruption. No gentle buildup to a beautiful meniscus before overflowing.
The possible story (for entertainment) is that they are connected, that yesterdays meltdown somehow contributed to todays.
i like it !
There is a sensation of being lifted from inside this chest. Like the chest cavity has been filled with enough helium gas to exert an upward lifting sensation.
The head seems to be physically cleaning out.
There is a gentleness, a sensitive-ness that pervades not only the body/mind but the space around it and includes everybody that thought touches.
Just witnessing caring, sharing evoked an instant surge of emotion and a resulting welling up of tears.
Not a sob. No wrenching. Just an overflow of beautiful, sensation.
Just writing about it now, triggers it again, although not as strong.
Is it that the Grief juice of the past couple of days (or is it more?) has primed this organism?
i checked and it started on Jan 26th Ha! Australia Day. It started as i got into the car to drive to Melbourne. post - on-way-to-melbourne
But these tears have nothing to do with Grief.
The wounded animal plea from that poor Doubt Sufferer evoked Compassion, which evoked, in turn, tears.
Are these tears different to yesterdays tears of a Grief overflow?
That one came out as an eruption. No gentle buildup to a beautiful meniscus before overflowing.
The possible story (for entertainment) is that they are connected, that yesterdays meltdown somehow contributed to todays.
i like it !
There is a sensation of being lifted from inside this chest. Like the chest cavity has been filled with enough helium gas to exert an upward lifting sensation.
The head seems to be physically cleaning out.
There is a gentleness, a sensitive-ness that pervades not only the body/mind but the space around it and includes everybody that thought touches.
Monday, January 30, 2012
haiku - Grief
Pass through me, Sweet Grief.
Mobilise the flow of Love
Cleansing Fire of Death.
Grief without an I,
no sadness inherent there.
Just the Flow of Love.
The Flow of Love is,
just a story to explain,
Inhaled by All.
Which is just story,
about what the feeling is,
The Something called Grief.
Mobilise the flow of Love
Cleansing Fire of Death.
Grief without an I,
no sadness inherent there.
Just the Flow of Love.
The Flow of Love is,
just a story to explain,
Inhaled by All.
Which is just story,
about what the feeling is,
The Something called Grief.
now that She is talking about her death...
Now that She is talking about her death,
Grief rises like a volcano
threatening to blow the top off this head.
Saved only by the sideways explosion from eyes/nose/mouth.
Grief, not painful grief.
Sweet grief.
Grief with such an intense pleasure that it could easily be mistaken for pain.
Without concern for appearance or response,
Sweet Grief takes over the mind/body Organism.
Thoughts and Feelings get swept upwards in the torrent of Love.
Occasionally a thought floats into consciousness saying,
"you're a selfish bastard! This isn't about You.
Where is your consideration for those more worthy of Sweet Mother Grief ?"
To which i reply "O Thought, you may be right,
but Happening is no Choice. "
And sometimes it seems that it Is Their grief being expressed Here.
Asked to do the Eulogy, and the story began;
"please everybody get your handkerchief or tissues out and ready.
i wrote many things about Heather and with each one Wept a bucket of tears.
i will start at the top of the list
But the moment i break up into tears i would like you to join me,
and we will just celebrate Her with a great big noisy cry.
... Ok, here we go...."
Grief rises like a volcano
threatening to blow the top off this head.
Saved only by the sideways explosion from eyes/nose/mouth.
Grief, not painful grief.
Sweet grief.
Grief with such an intense pleasure that it could easily be mistaken for pain.
Without concern for appearance or response,
Sweet Grief takes over the mind/body Organism.
Thoughts and Feelings get swept upwards in the torrent of Love.
Occasionally a thought floats into consciousness saying,
"you're a selfish bastard! This isn't about You.
Where is your consideration for those more worthy of Sweet Mother Grief ?"
To which i reply "O Thought, you may be right,
but Happening is no Choice. "
And sometimes it seems that it Is Their grief being expressed Here.
Asked to do the Eulogy, and the story began;
"please everybody get your handkerchief or tissues out and ready.
i wrote many things about Heather and with each one Wept a bucket of tears.
i will start at the top of the list
But the moment i break up into tears i would like you to join me,
and we will just celebrate Her with a great big noisy cry.
... Ok, here we go...."
Sunday, January 29, 2012
the Pain...
Seeing the Pain in Her sisters,
evoked it's own pain of sorts.
When does an unpleasant Sensation become painful ?
Imagined the Pain in Her Mother, though she didn't show it,
evoking an uncomfortable Question about Pain felt and Not Expressed.
Is the Pain connected to Her ?
Is it Our Pain responding to the Worlds history of Pain ?
Sadness at a Loss is pretty selfish pain.
Sadness by the witnessing of Suffering also starts and ends in our own head.
Sadness for the UnCreated by Her dying,
still doesn't connect with Her.
All the Pain is just the Organisms' way of saying,
"I don't want to lose that limb, even though I will manage without it."
It is the Pain if Clinging to That which we never had hold of.
If i say "go in peace and love",
it is so that i can have that peace and love.
How do i Farewell a part of me ?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)