Friday, October 28, 2011

What do i really want ?

i had an epiphany yesterday, and like a lot of really good things it almost snuck by to be forgotten.
Even though my reaction to it was Wow! Ah!  and i enthusiastically shared it with my wife (who gently waved it away as just more of my babble) here i am a day later struggling to remember the details of it.

How it happened is that i caught myself daydreaming of a time, somewhere in the future, when i would have a life where i could do what i wanted, when i wanted. i woud be contented.
It was somewhat vague, just as in a dream.
The feeling of contentment was the main feature of the fantasy.
THEN I REALISED that we already had the lifestyle i was fantasizing about but without the contentment.
That was the epiphany. That i already had it but without the contentment. Well there is contentment, but it is more a construct of mind than a feeling.
There is resistance to accepting that i already have it. It's subtle, but there it is.

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