Friday, December 2, 2011

an urge arose...

An urge arose to express 'it' verbally.
With a head full of everybody from J. Krishnamurti to Seth to Jed McKenna - all similar to the sweetness of rocky road, i was seeking and seeking.
What was found was, an absence of all that. It is still sweet mind you. It was (and still is) the best entertainment. There was hardly a tv show or movie or anything else that could come close to being as entertaining,
Maybe it was part of the journey.
i guess that everything that has occurred to this mind/body has let to this point and so was part of the journey. A necessary part of the journey, i don't know.
But i digress...
The urge was to describe something small and close. So small that it almost needs a magnifying glass to see. So close that to even look, is to look past it.
It is the intimacy of NOW.

...going for a walk. Back soon.

WELL, just went for a walk and what i was trying to describe before was so BIG.
The sound of these footsteps had a clarity that was sharply inside this body, which expanded out to the sounds coming from blocks away. When the birdcall inside my head vibrated away to where ever the sound  seemed to originate it compelled a whistle from these lips to mimic it. The feel of the wind seemed to stretch to somewhere over an ocean fifty kilometers away.
The bigness and the smallness, the closeness and the distance don't contradict each other.
They are the same thing.
i might call it ME, but that would trivialise it. i can't own it, for i am IT, or is it me. We are not WE as that implies separation.
Language requires compartmentalisation.
Just as when saying "that table has a brown top" doesn't mean it has no legs, or no shape. These things are ignored for the convenience of communication.
i imagine that the idea of a separate me started out as a convenience of communication and over generations became seen as an actuality. Brain conditioning.
What a loss. We live in paradise but somehow have come to believe something else.

What i want to describe can't be described.
The experience mentioned above didn't happen TO me. It wasn't done BY me. It was just experiencing happening and somehow there was a witness that chose this mind/body to be involved. Well... everything was involved, even you, but awareness-ing had limitations, probably for the convenience of not totally freaking out this mind/body, maybe.
This body isn't stoned, hasn't imbibed on mushrooms or LSD, but there are definite similarities.
Love for everybody and everything is happening. (just a language way of saying something)
The 'it' i started out to describe seemed to involve me. The end of the description seems to involve ALL of creation, and the as yet to be created and the created that has been uncreated.
Ah shit, maybe GOD is a language way to say it....

All of existence,
and all of everything else,
adds up to be me.

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