Feeling/believing specialness was once what happened as a result of self approval, which was required because of believing that there was no approval from my father.
Whether it was true or not is irrelevant as the belief existed and the feeling of lack flowed from that.
It was just one chapter in the story of me.
According to my father I was "useless", "lazy", and I deserved the 'clip under the ear' when I didn't come up with the answer to the maths homework he was 'helping' me with.
Looking back, it was always when he was on night shift and he was tired and easily frustrated. He also had no ability to relate to us kids except as an authority figure.
So, how was I special?
It evolved. To start with, what I was good at was reading. I read constantly, averaging a book a day.
It was pure escapism, but it gave me a broad vocabulary and the belief that I was knowledgeable.
This belief evolved into Spirituality in my early 20's.
I tried Christianity (I spent 2 years trying to be a Bahá'í ) but it wasn't special enough.
Next came psychology, particularly the 'new age' versions. This lead to feeling knowledgeable again.
The psychology was an attempt to 'fix' my deficiencies and the crossover into spirituality led to yoga which led to meditation. Always superior to the world full of 'plebs' and 'yobos'.
Guess what realization occurred concurrently with awakening ?
If there is an I,
specialness is implicit.
Now, we are all one.
