Thursday, September 30, 2010

a subtle-yet-undeniable peace

If your pause is relaxed and significant enough, you will immediately discern a subtle-yet-undeniable peace and spaciousness from which manifest-existence arises.  Rodney Stevens

Some inklings of this have occurred, but i told myself that they were just experience so can't be "that".
i suppose that they could be pointers to "that".
Either way i took them to be encouragement.
Oh, and by the way. A couple of posts ago i said i had stopped seeking, well i realised tonight that desiring still continues but seeking through concepts had stopped. i.e. i am no longer looking for a new way to achieve 'liberation'. i do still play with (observe with a kind of detached humour) this mind (thoughts) and body (emotions), but what else can i do ? (or not do)

a momentary
feeling of falling backwards
heralds peacefulness

coming home...

Some equanimity has returned... the going with 'the flow' is back today. A sense of peace but also some excitement to be 'on the verge'.
Reading Roy Townsend's "about me" page (again), I was overwhelmed with an emotion that i can only describe as tearful joy with being almost 'home'. It came over me with the line " Immediately there was a resonance. I read on until, as Ramesh calls it, an "intuitive apperception" occurred. I had realized my true self."
For a couple of years now, i have been brought to (joyful) tears when a re-uniting has taken place. People finding each other (adopted kids finding parents is the most common occurrence )
Somewhere inside i 'know' that i am coming home (i'm getting tearful just writing this)

not lost, but not home
knowing that it is so close
leaves me feeling high

another day and still seeking

Another day and with the main focus on this mind and this identity but still trapped in duality. As the mood swings down it seems harder to 'just flow'.
My wife says i have withdrawn from her and seem distant. Am i so preoccupied with 'the quest' that i miss the point of living in the now ?
Melbourne weather doesn't help. Melbourne pollution is getting up my nose (literally)
It's hard but probably the best thing to do is to keep this whole thing to myself and 'do' it privately. Words may dilute it.

tell somebody about it
and their reaction is bound
to strengthen ego