deceiving myself

I do not consider myself less ignorant than most people. I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my blood whispers to me. My story is not a pleasant one; it is neither sweet nor harmonious, as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams — like the lives of all men who stop deceiving themselves. Each man’s life represents the road toward himself, and attempt at such a road, the intimation of a path. No man has ever been entirely and completely himself. Yet each one strives to become that — one in an awkward, the other in a more intelligent way, each as best he can. Herman Hesse


"who stop deceiving themselves" this could be a key to the 'portal'
Whenever i have an opinion about myself (or the world) then i am deceiving myself into thinking that i 'know' something when clearly it is just a view that i hold for the moment.
The only way not to deceive myself is to know (hmmm,) that i know nothing. Everything becomes fresh and actual without the overlay of my opinion (knowing) or judgmental attitude.
The question then becomes 'how do i avoid the habit of thinking that i know anything?'
Is it just a matter of reminding myself everytime i realise that i had an opinion?
It is probably beyond me to do anything other than this.


Why am i lying
about what really matters ?
About who i am.

There is no need to move from where you are...

"In the land of no escape, things just are, everything is.
There is no need to move beyond what is here in front of me." Stephen Williamson
i stumbled over this mans blog today. How (re)freshing.
He also says; "If my definition of liberation presents itself as something that you want to seek, then don’t. Long for it perhaps, but do not seek. There is no need to move from where you are to where you want to be. Stay where you are.  Be who you are. Simply allow identification to slip away. The process is one of dissolving, not moving, grasping or reaching." (i took the liberty of fixing what i thought might be typos - here is his original post)
But the message to me is simple and profound, to accept my current state as the perfection that it is, and that it is just where i am on my evolutionary trajectory.
Enjoy the longing for enlightenment just as i might enjoy coffee or sex, while i am drinking coffee or having sex. (or indeed enjoy the desire for those things before they actually eventuate)


Appreciating
the expression of writing
right now, right here. YES!

The Great Way is not difficult
for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the truth
then hold no opinions for or against anything.
To set up what you like against what you dislike
is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood
the mind's essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
The first stanza of The Great Way - Sengstan (Third Zen Patriarch)

This is brilliant. If there is any one thing that i could think of to allow peace into the world it would be having no preferences. i can hear people shouting "What about love. We must have love!" Well, i contend that 'real' love is total and complete acceptance of 'what is' without a desire to change it or keep it or take meaning for my idea of myself from it.
Doing it (?) however is another story. As i asked in a previous post, 'can allowing be done?'
Being aware of preferences as i am confronted with circumstances is all that is necessary to expose them and then i have a choice (do i really have a choice about anything?) to consider not having a like or dislike for it. To consider that whatever my idea of 'good' (or bad) is just that, my idea.
Just like my idea of myself is just that, my idea.
Thoughts, nothing more.
It is my reactions to those thoughts where 'reality' enters.
If i have no ideas of good or bad regarding anybody or anything then my reactions are not likely to provoke reactions in others. (but then again they will probably react to their own idea of what my reactions mean. Maybe this way of being has to be better understood before people are less likely to misinterpret lack of judgmentalism. )
So, if i intend to be aware of my predilections or aversions to what or who appears in front of me (or what i think about), perhaps that intent to be aware is all i can do? From that maybe something can grow...


have an intention,
to be aware of dis like.
then may be what is.