what drivel will dribble tonight ?

i don't mean to disparage these outpourings, just to point out their inherent meaninglessness.
they are not going to change anything. they won't bring me to 'that moment' any quicker. They can only add to the story of me.
If i feel any better because of them, that is a moment of pleasurable sensation (about 70 seconds before the effects of the pleasure hormone wears off) The pleasure is because of my reaction to what i think about it. But after it wears off i will look for the next thing to feel good about. i can probably get a few hits from my memory of it.
So why rave ?
hmm, the advaidic answer would be " raving happens" which is probably more likely to be true in a mind/body that has memories of a lot of raving.
Oh, and i do enjoy that 70 seconds of pleasure.

create it with thoughts
or use steel and masonry
pleasure lasts the same

let the drivel run.

i come with nothing to say,
but saying will be said.
i said.
or was it consciousness that said it - through me.
if all my thoughts are consciousness talking...
it sure talks a lot of shit.
but then why wouldn't it talk a lot of shit?
Shit might need saying as much a something very important.
Maybe consciousness holds shit as very important.
Maybe it's not what is said that is important but the saying.
or maybe the not saying between the saying is where the rainbow ends.

and i wait.

Oh, i suppose i should say something, at least occasionally.
seeking is still happening, albeit in a quieter, calmer way now.
knowing that doing won't lead to freedom.
knowing that there's nothing to be done means i just wait.
Wait for the moment when there is no i doing the waiting.
knowing that there is no time during which to wait.
knowing that everybody and everything else, everything that i react to, is just a line in the script of the movie that i wrote, produced and directed, and starred in.
knowing that and i wait  - because i can't do anything else.

and i wait, because
i can't do anything else
oh my sweet waiting.

the new year came and went....

The new year came and went - and it's still now.
Are my memories about my experiences last year, even if they are accurate, really contributing to my ideas about who i am ?
What about my intentions for the coming year ? Do they define me ? Surely they say something about the kind of person i am ?
But what if i am not really a person ? if the person i am is in fact simply memories (thoughts) of a collection of past thoughts about a concept i call self (me, i) ?
This takes time out of the equation.
What i am is my current experience. Or more accurately the experiencing that is currently happening thinks it is me.


put the mind away
it thinks that it is someone
see reality